[peacedove]

Well I've been trying to figure out what caused my DP. It wasn't drug-induced so I'm thinking it was caused by childhood trauma. Something I blocked out of my memory.

I've been recalling certain things that lead me to believe I was molested when I was a kid... before I was the second time which I do remember. Problem is I don't know if these things really happened or if I've just been pressing for an answer for so long my brain is trying to give me one so I can stop searching.

Sometimes when I drink too much I blackout. I can't remember a thing. Then as time goes by I can start to recall bits and pieces and fit them together. And I ask someone who was there if that's what really happened and they confirm it. So I'm wondering if that's what I'm doing now.

It's not as easy to go about getting answers to what happened this day so many years ago as it is to find out what happened during one of my drunken blackouts. I've tried asking some things nonchalantly that might give me a clue, but it was so long ago no one remembers. And I can't just come right out and say I think so-and-so molested me. Cuz I know from past experience people in my family just brush accusations like that off.

So is there a way find out? Would my mind steer me wrong in this way? I've thought about being hypnotized so I could uncover repressed memories. But I've heard stories of hypnotists making people believe stuff that never happened. Is this true?

If there is hidden trauma I want to find it so I can face it and deal with it.

 

[Lilymoonchild]

I went through this a while back. Is there a way to recover repressed memories? Not that I'm aware of. As far as hypnotherapy goes, most of what I experienced what me traveling backwards down a dark tunnel. I was hypnotized, had a couple of really odd, abstract "visions" and didn't figure anything out at all. Then one day I prayed about it, and got the distinct answer that it didn't matter right then whether I was abused or not, and I had to work with where I was regardless of what may or may not have happened.
I have basically come to the conclusion that I probably was abused, but what can I do about it now? Not a damn thing. Work with where you are now, don't try and go back and figure out the past. Whether or not your brain can lead you astray, I can't answer absolutely, but I think it could. But I do think that looking for repressed memories is a wild goose chase.

 

[Luka]

I have basically come to the conclusion that I probably was abused, but what can I do about it now? Not a damn thing. Work with where you are now, don't try and go back and figure out the past. Whether or not your brain can lead you astray, I can't answer absolutely, but I think it could. But I do think that looking for repressed memories is a wild goose chase.

That's exactly what I wanted to say!

I don't remember much of my traumatic past too, but I do know some really bad things happened. Why would I otherwise be so afraid at night that someone might come and hurt me? Why would I otherwise have DID? Why would I otherwise have bodymemories? Why would I otherwise get so triggered with certain things? All this together makes it very clear I was abused. And my therapist wasn't putting things in my mind at all, on the contrary.

My alters remember most of the things that happened and who am I to disbelieve them? I see them struggle, cry, be in so much pain and fear etc. All memories are colored by the eyes of a child, by the time that has gone by and by your own interpretation of them now. I always say that the core of the memory is true. And even if it is false, it is important that you deal with it, work with it and heal.

The false memory syndrome is very controversial. I think there really are quack therapists who put memories of abuse in a patients mind and let the patient accuse his/her abusers (parents for instance) falshly. I also think there are abusers who won't take responsibility and acknowledge what terrible things they have done and hide behind this FMS. Always stay critical (of the therapist and memories) but don't go into a deny-mode.

Don't force your memories, it won't work and you'll get frustrated. And even if the dissociated memories come by force, you'll get flooded and overwhelmed! Let them come by themselves and if they don't, so be it. Work with what you got or what is surfacing and don't poke around so much. There is a reason why these memories (if there are any) are dissociated.

 

[maria]

I've been thinking about it too, for ten years actually, when I started to remember some things. Until now (meaning past two years) I've just been trying to not think about it but today for various reasons I'm pretty sure I've been molested. The problem is it might be a close family member so I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can trust him or not, whether he's a sick person or not...