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So since my deep suicidal thoughts have started I tried to get more in touch with god thru this whole journey ive been crying out to god asking for his help but I think I got to the point of hopelessness. I get into debates in my head of do I Really have faith in god I tell my self over and over that god loves me and I read the bible hoping to find a connection. This dp/dr makes me question everything about myself. I want that connection so bad but I almost feel like im having thoughts in my head that are unholy that fight with me. I feel like im going crazy. Does god understand us and forgive us from what this disorder does to us.
 
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I'm going through the same exact thing, it sucks.

Best thing to keep in mind is that faith is beyond anything we can feel or think or see. DP kinda hinders all three of those things, but God is perfect in our weakness. This is when faith can grow even more when we feel lost.

"When I am weak, I am strong". God doesn't expect us to be perfect, but rather, just to be humble.
 

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Hey here's what I've reflected upon in the Holy Qu'ran when it comes to suffering and what not.

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

"Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…"

"And surely We shall try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the patient, Who says, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return": They are those on whom (descend) Blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance."

"And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah , Who are certain that they will meet their Lord and that they will return to Him."
 

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I've taken up sun worship, as it has always been the most dependable thing in my life. The same can be said for any one, as their is not a day the sun did not rise.
 

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A connection with God and "faith" in God are two different things.

If you have that connection you don't need "faith" - you have the direct experience.

The way you get the connection is by defeating the demons - you have to be able to access that part of you that is beyond the thoughts, the part that silently pays attention to everything.

The problem is when you identify with, believe or react to your thoughts - which means that you take as real any crap your mind comes up with. You have to remind yourself that most things going through your mind are just noise, and learn to ignore them.
 
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