So tonight at work, I faced my fears....i had a panic attack, and I said to myself "it is not going to kill you, you are not going crazy, you are ok"...It was rough, but then I felt okay...maybe even great....However, the second mind shit came on, later, and that is the worst feeling ever....I honestly don't know how else to describe it. I felt again like I was here, and there was a second chance for SOMETHING....but, the mind is silly, and there isnt' much hope to go beyond what is happening currently...the pain, the fear, all of that. The second mind is the worse...its' like i am hanging out, thinking, and there is a level above my normal thoughts, one which can attack me, that wants to take over my own mind. it is the mind which can convince me that I am insane, that tries to make me insane, that tries to let me know that emotions are wrong. This is drunk rambling...but I am scared...if this makes sense at all, let me know. I need some love.