[Pineapplecurl]

TW: Suicidal Thoughts
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So I have almost been dealing with this for 3 years now. It just seems to get worse and worse. Lately I have suicidal thoughts almost 24/7. It just seams unbearable to live all the time. Heck I don’t even know if I’m alive! I question it all the time because I just feel like I’m floating , In a dream or dead. My panic attacks and anxiety are off the charts and when I panic I literally feel like it’s all over, I have officially went nuts!

The thing that scares me the most is that I am gonna lose control of my thoughts and actions. Like what if I lose control and harm even worse kill myself? What if I am just in the wrong state of mind and snap? It makes feel like I can’t trust myself.

I also don’t know how to stop questioning my existence and sense of self . I can’t get over it. How come I never questioned any of it before and now I am practically convinced this is not me and this is not life? How does one get over it? I can go on and on , it’s just one big rabbit hole. But sometimes the thought of this life scares the hell outta me and it’s more than I can bare.

Any sort of stress destroys me. I am a college student and I feel overwhelmed. It makes me spiral more. Makes me wonder how I am gonna function going to school and working for the rest of my life like this. One day of doing is enough to almost break me.

The real question is , Is it possible to overcome this severe dpdr? Will I ever have a normal life again? I see a therapist, recently started dbt therapy and have been on a long list of meds that haven’t helped. I exercise and take vitamins. My health can improve , I would admit. I’ve tried essential oils, cbd and simple things like meditating and yoga. When do I find something that works?

People say to live life as if you didn’t have it and while I try , I often can’t do it. The weirdness of how I feel simply consumes me. I can’t comprehend how you just accept something like this. To me it’s constant torture and suffering.

Anyways I am sorry for the long post. It truly felt good to get this all out though . If you can relate let me know and if anyone has any recovery/success stories let me know as well. Any input I appreciate.

I also wanna say good luck to all of you’s who suffer and battle this on a daily basis . It is no small task. You are all so strong. I wish the best for all of your recoveries.

 

[my_name_is_idk]

hey i haven't finished reading your post yet but listen ... i know how hard it is, i've been through it too TWO times (at the moment i had a relapse but it's my fault). EVERYTHING WILL END, you will return to feel good at 100%. Distract yourself, hang out with friends EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO. Distract yourself from these horrible thoughts, no matter how long you have had dpdr, you WILL heal. If you focus on the problem, it will not go away. Trust me, you will feel good again but do not focus your thoughts on those orribile thing. GET OF THIS FORUM IT CAN TRIGGER YOUR DPDR !! You're loved and your life is worth it.

 

[Tomás Ruiz]

TW: Suicidal Thoughts
.
.
.
.
.
So I have almost been dealing with this for 3 years now. It just seems to get worse and worse. Lately I have suicidal thoughts almost 24/7. It just seams unbearable to live all the time. Heck I don’t even know if I’m alive! I question it all the time because I just feel like I’m floating , In a dream or dead. My panic attacks and anxiety are off the charts and when I panic I literally feel like it’s all over, I have officially went nuts!

The thing that scares me the most is that I am gonna lose control of my thoughts and actions. Like what if I lose control and harm even worse kill myself? What if I am just in the wrong state of mind and snap? It makes feel like I can’t trust myself.

I also don’t know how to stop questioning my existence and sense of self . I can’t get over it. How come I never questioned any of it before and now I am practically convinced this is not me and this is not life? How does one get over it? I can go on and on , it’s just one big rabbit hole. But sometimes the thought of this life scares the hell outta me and it’s more than I can bare.

Any sort of stress destroys me. I am a college student and I feel overwhelmed. It makes me spiral more. Makes me wonder how I am gonna function going to school and working for the rest of my life like this. One day of doing is enough to almost break me.

The real question is , Is it possible to overcome this severe dpdr? Will I ever have a normal life again? I see a therapist, recently started dbt therapy and have been on a long list of meds that haven’t helped. I exercise and take vitamins. My health can improve , I would admit. I’ve tried essential oils, cbd and simple things like meditating and yoga. When do I find something that works?

People say to live life as if you didn’t have it and while I try , I often can’t do it. The weirdness of how I feel simply consumes me. I can’t comprehend how you just accept something like this. To me it’s constant torture and suffering.

Anyways I am sorry for the long post. It truly felt good to get this all out though . If you can relate let me know and if anyone has any recovery/success stories let me know as well. Any input I appreciate.

I also wanna say good luck to all of you’s who suffer and battle this on a daily basis . It is no small task. You are all so strong. I wish the best for all of your recoveries.

Brother I would bet my life that you are going to recover from this and live the peaceful life that you want, don't you ever give up. I know how hard it can be, I've experienced it and it is some of the worst experiences I've ever had but I promise it gets better. First I want you to know that your not alone and that theres people out there including me some days that feel like this and if you ever need to talk hit me up on the insta please @tomithugga. Second, I know everyone has their own solution but for me watching YT videos of psycology and specially philosophy helps me a lot (check out the "Academy of ideas" channel, I personally love it). Intense daily exercise and creative activities also help me.
Please, do not give up, one day you'll look back at this experience as something that has faded in the past as you live a fulfilling and peaceful life.
Please stay strong and try not to keep yourself locked in your mind, express yourself and talk as much as you can and don't ever go against yourself, please admire yourself for being so heroically strong to be able to hold so much weight, in my eyes you're a true soldier of the mental health battlefield and I promise you'll come out victorious from this war.
Don't blame yourself for the person life has obligated you to be, none of this was your fault, life seems absurd and just a constant torture but hey, we are here so might as well live it, we gon die anyway, why accelerate that process.
Try finding the beauty in the smallest details of life from the taste of your food to the rays of the sun, life is fucking weird but it can be beautiful too in my opinion.
Sorry if this reply didn't help but I really want to help and support you