[Blake]

Board,

I am in extreme dp/dr states the past two weeks. I am almost completely confined to bed/house. Its really frightening because when I sleep I dream very vividly. I dream of doing things "like I used to"... literally. Then I wake and it feels more like a dream than when I was asleep. What worries me is that there is nothing saying i am wrong.

My family is here for me, but has no clue what to do. Send me away to some long term depression/anxiety clinic? they are always ready to listen, but all i have to say are things they cant grasp. (and have heard 10000 times before)

all i can do is read when im awake. asimov, arthur c clarke, card, bear. i read books in two sittings. i do work in "Mind Over Mood", the CBT workbook...some of you may know it. All it does is get me focused on pre-dp/dr blake. and give my subconscious fodder for more dream/nightmares.

i am having a lot of trouble coming to terms with my attempt at taking my own life. (i had 100% given up, it was not a "cry for help" situation ) its been two weeks since, and i thought the experience would give me some insight, some catalyst, but nothing but scars and a worried-as-f*** family. no catharsis. ive somehow sank deeper within this dream.

this is turning out to be more like a journal entry than a legit post. im sorry. thanks for listening board.

blake

 

[Blake]

Board,

I am in extreme dp/dr states the past two weeks. I am almost completely confined to bed/house. Its really frightening because when I sleep I dream very vividly. I dream of doing things "like I used to"... literally. Then I wake and it feels more like a dream than when I was asleep. What worries me is that there is nothing saying i am wrong.

My family is here for me, but has no clue what to do. Send me away to some long term depression/anxiety clinic? they are always ready to listen, but all i have to say are things they cant grasp. (and have heard 10000 times before)

all i can do is read when im awake. asimov, arthur c clarke, card, bear. i read books in two sittings. i do work in "Mind Over Mood", the CBT workbook...some of you may know it. All it does is get me focused on pre-dp/dr blake. and give my subconscious fodder for more dream/nightmares.

i am having a lot of trouble coming to terms with my attempt at taking my own life. (i had 100% given up, it was not a "cry for help" situation ) its been two weeks since, and i thought the experience would give me some insight, some catalyst, but nothing but scars and a worried-as-f*** family. no catharsis. ive somehow sank deeper within this dream.

this is turning out to be more like a journal entry than a legit post. im sorry. thanks for listening board.

blake

 

[Dreamer]

Dear Blake,
I'm sorry, seems like sheer Hell. Hang in as no one knows how long a bad episode can last, it could lift tomorrow.

Question, and maybe you already said this, but is there ANYthing you can think of that set this off? Absolutely ANY variable in your life. I always find with myself I can pinpoint some "change"/"stress" and it doesn't always have to be a big thing.

Also are you on meds.

Take Care,
And Hang On
Best,
D :shock:

 

[Dreamer]

Dear Blake,
I'm sorry, seems like sheer Hell. Hang in as no one knows how long a bad episode can last, it could lift tomorrow.

Question, and maybe you already said this, but is there ANYthing you can think of that set this off? Absolutely ANY variable in your life. I always find with myself I can pinpoint some "change"/"stress" and it doesn't always have to be a big thing.

Also are you on meds.

Take Care,
And Hang On
Best,
D :shock:

 

[Dreamer]

PS -- do you dream in reality? I mean is there NO DP/DR in your dreams? And is the content of your dreams different, you said more vivid? Just curious.
Best,
D

 

[Dreamer]

PS -- do you dream in reality? I mean is there NO DP/DR in your dreams? And is the content of your dreams different, you said more vivid? Just curious.
Best,
D

 

[Guest]

For one thing, don't read those books, lol...sci fi especially the profound stuff that you're reading is much MUCH too much imagination for you right now.

Blake, I have been there...I know that extreme dp state. I stayed in the house for over a year at one point, abjectly terrified, not knowing if I had invented the universe, or if I had already died and was imagining all this, or if I had never existed and was "me" only in an eternal dream. I FELT insane, and no amount of anyone's words made me feel different.

Are you on any medications? There has to be something a doctor could give you to take the adrenaline rush out of this experience.

Also, your MIND is working over load and your body/muscles are not doing enough. Even if you have to force yourself, make your body move - exercise, run in place, SOMEThing to take some of the adrenaline out of the mental focus and into the body.

Your mind is clenched tight as a fist (again, I recognize this from experience) and you are trying to THINK your way out of it. Watch a movie that makes you laugh or one that makes you cry - even if you feel fake, MAKE yourself laugh at the right parts and TRY to feel tears at the sad scenes. Give your EMOTIONS a workout, and your physical body a workout - you need to redirect the COGNITIVE energy away from intellect and into more visceral expressions.

Peace,
YOU CAN SURVIVE this and it will NOT last forever..I PROMISE you that. Just hold on.
Janine

 

[Guest]

For one thing, don't read those books, lol...sci fi especially the profound stuff that you're reading is much MUCH too much imagination for you right now.

Blake, I have been there...I know that extreme dp state. I stayed in the house for over a year at one point, abjectly terrified, not knowing if I had invented the universe, or if I had already died and was imagining all this, or if I had never existed and was "me" only in an eternal dream. I FELT insane, and no amount of anyone's words made me feel different.

Are you on any medications? There has to be something a doctor could give you to take the adrenaline rush out of this experience.

Also, your MIND is working over load and your body/muscles are not doing enough. Even if you have to force yourself, make your body move - exercise, run in place, SOMEThing to take some of the adrenaline out of the mental focus and into the body.

Your mind is clenched tight as a fist (again, I recognize this from experience) and you are trying to THINK your way out of it. Watch a movie that makes you laugh or one that makes you cry - even if you feel fake, MAKE yourself laugh at the right parts and TRY to feel tears at the sad scenes. Give your EMOTIONS a workout, and your physical body a workout - you need to redirect the COGNITIVE energy away from intellect and into more visceral expressions.

Peace,
YOU CAN SURVIVE this and it will NOT last forever..I PROMISE you that. Just hold on.
Janine

 

[g-funk]

Hi Blake

What Dreamer said is so true, one thing you must remember is one day you will feel better, you just will. I also know the feeling of being too afraid to get out of bed, yet too afraid to just lie there. Take comfort in the fact that Janine, myself and many others on the board have been there, and now no longer wake up afraid. You will be there soon, just believe it is possible, never give up hope.

Read trashy celebrity magazines - I love sci-fi too but had to give it up for something much less mind warping.

If you are feeling guilty because you tried to take your own life then try not to, your family will not being thinking like this at all, they will be so happy that you are still here and with them, and one day you will be able to say to them that you too are very happy to still be here, and you can put it all behind you. I felt enormous pressure and guilt when I felt this way, and all it did was make me feel more dp'ed. All your family wants is for you to feel better so you go about that in any way you feel necessary.

Believe it is possible Blake. :wink:

G-funk

 

[g-funk]

Hi Blake

What Dreamer said is so true, one thing you must remember is one day you will feel better, you just will. I also know the feeling of being too afraid to get out of bed, yet too afraid to just lie there. Take comfort in the fact that Janine, myself and many others on the board have been there, and now no longer wake up afraid. You will be there soon, just believe it is possible, never give up hope.

Read trashy celebrity magazines - I love sci-fi too but had to give it up for something much less mind warping.

If you are feeling guilty because you tried to take your own life then try not to, your family will not being thinking like this at all, they will be so happy that you are still here and with them, and one day you will be able to say to them that you too are very happy to still be here, and you can put it all behind you. I felt enormous pressure and guilt when I felt this way, and all it did was make me feel more dp'ed. All your family wants is for you to feel better so you go about that in any way you feel necessary.

Believe it is possible Blake. :wink:

G-funk