Within the turquoise walls of the Citadel of Planets, mighty Sol sits upon his celestial throne, glaring at the nine empty chairs situated around the circular assembly table.
?Well?? he asks a passing comet, its nebulous tail arched proudly above it?s back like an icy peacocks plume. ?Where are they then??
The comet, a young rock of short period and little planetary etiquette, sniffs regally as he passes. ?Shortly my lord.?
Sol grunts his approval, fixing his attention on the cloud of restless asteroids gently bumping their way around the chamber, whispering polite apologies to each other when they collide, which they frequently do. The comet emits a gaseous puff of distain and fades into orbit.
A minor calamity at the far end of the chamber, a crashing of heavenly cutlery and cometry cursing, signals the arrival of the first of the planets. Old man Halley lurches up to Sol and bows. ?Sire, Lord Mercury has arrived.?
Mercury, the jet heeled pebble of iron and relentless haste, hurtles his way through the chamber to the seat nearest Sol. ?Sorry I?m late.?
?You?re early,? grumbles Sol.
?Yes, that as well.? Mercury mops his sweaty brow. ?What?s all the fuss about? We haven?t had a gathering for eons.?
?Earth.?
?Earth? What?s her problem then??
Sol shrugs his fiery shoulders. ?Buggered if I know.?
?Who called the meeting?? asks Mercury, settling into his chair, fidgeting uncomfortably as Sol?s furnace and his own slow rotational period bakes his facade, while a layer of frost forms on his back.
?Mars.?
?Ah, now, why doesn?t that surprise me??
At the mention of his name, Mars storms angrily into the chamber, his countenance a dangerous shade of heart-attack purple, casting Halley a look of scorching contempt as the primordial comet opens his mouth to introduce him.
?You daft old bastard,? blasts Mars. ?He knows who I am.?
Halley?s wispy tail drips sorrow and regret. ?But it?s my job,? mutters Halley. ?I was orbiting around these parts before you even started to lose your atmosphere.?
Mars shrieks with appalling malevolence. ?I?ve still got an atmosphere.?
Halley smirks. ?Call that an atmosphere??
?All right you two,? bellows Sol, ?Off you go Halley. Mars, sit down and shut up.? Sol scratches an annoyingly persistent sunspot.
Old Halley scuttles off into the void, chuckling to himself, and Mars, fuming, dumps himself into the fourth distant chair, silently daring that Mercury might taunt him. Disappointed, Mars watches as Mercury, never usually one to miss an opportunity to bait his larger cousin, bites his tongue under a warning stare from Sol.
?So Mars,? asks Sol, ?I presume you?ve brought an agenda??
?Only one item Sire,? replies Mars, narrowing his eyes against Sol?s dazzling blaze.
?Which is??
Mars clears his throat. ?Sire, in the last couple of decades it has been my misfortune to??
A sharp intake of breath from the asteroids and comets stops Mars in mid-flow. A flurry of excitement ripples through the solar system as Saturn floats into the chamber. Even Sol flickers with admiration. Silently, Saturn arranges her splendid rings around herself like a silk blouse and takes her seat, smiling beatifically at all around her.
?As I was saying,? continues Mars, huffily, ?It has come to my attention that the recent outbreak of life on Earth has caused??
(C) 1998 Martin Horton
