If you jumped a little when you read the title, I know how you feel. My entire dp experience revolved around existential thoughts and it was really hard to find any information on it, and let's face it, we're constantly looking for reassurance on how we're feeling. But let me tell you that you are certainly not alone, not even a little bit.
From the few articles I've read, existential thoughts seem to be focused on depression. To be honest, we don't know if we're depressed because we have bigger problems. My therapist always asks me if I think I'm depressed and my answer is always the same, "maybe, I guess I could be but really I don't know." But that's how I feel. How do I know if I'm depressed if I can't stop thinking about how messed up my reality seems?
Existential anxiety, when I found that term I knew that was how I felt. Fearing the unknown, the questions that no one can answer...ever. I always describe it as the freaked out feeling that you get when you think about how big the universe is, or how long forever is, or in my case what life is. You'd think in your dp'd mind that these are questions you'll dwell on for the rest of your life, but you won't.
Yeah, you probably don't believe me. I wouldn't if I was reading this 3 months ago. And I definitely wouldn't think that I'd be the one telling you this. But when dp resolves, all those negative thoughts go with it. Trust me, I've been through it too. In all honesty I struggle with it here and there, but I'm not completely recovered yet. And when I do have existential thoughts, I know that they trigger me and I move on in my thoughts.
Your thoughts are completely in your control, and it's up to you to realize that. Thinking about something that puts you in the hole? Think about something else. It's simple and you're making it difficult, but you can retrain your brain to be positive, and eventually the existential thoughts won't be relevant at all.
It's pretty easy to get over this when you look at from the point of view of someone that has made progress. You might not be there, but take the advice that you read. I'm sure you notice that they all say the same thing, to change the way you think. And that's all there is to it.
Thank you for your blog! It is great. The existential anxiety is the hardest part for me. It makes me feel ... alone. Realizing that this is all a mind game actually makes me feel worst because it shows me that our minds can make things a living hell for themselves. It makes me feel like there's nothing true to hold on to. I can change the way I think, but it doesn't make it more correct than if I was in the bowels of hell still thinking the way I have been.
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