Exhausted. Something needs to give.

Today I feel completely exhausted. I usually feel 24/7 fatigue but today I am almost completely destroyed from this horrible condition. I am so tired of struggling. I am so tired of "getting through" the day. I am so tired of having to apologize to friends and family, over and over, for my strange behavior. I am so tired of not feeling in control of my thoughts and actions. I am so tired of getting supremely angry at trivial things. I am so tired of living in this haze. Ugh, sorry for the rant, sometimes it just helps to type these things out since I dont have many people to express this part of my life to.

I went for a long walk through the forest today which seemed to help out but it can only help so much. I feel like my days and nights are melding into one vague, distorted, foggy stream. I do not want to give up but it has been a year and a half of self-improvement, learning, living and eating healthy, and trying to repair myself, and I still feel so broken. I hate to be so negative. I am physically healthier than I was but my mind still feels damaged. It seems like my life is against me, it seems like I am handed the worst possible scenario in every aspect of my life, but I pull my head up and try to think positively, but I just cant ever catch a break.

Maybe tomorrow life will throw me a rope and things might have some meaning. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like I am myself again. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like I can actually think clearly. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like I am experiencing my own life. Maybe tomrrow I will learn to write proper sentences and conduct proper grammer. /End of Rant