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Exhausted. Something needs to give.

1201 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  missjess
Today I feel completely exhausted. I usually feel 24/7 fatigue but today I am almost completely destroyed from this horrible condition. I am so tired of struggling. I am so tired of "getting through" the day. I am so tired of having to apologize to friends and family, over and over, for my strange behavior. I am so tired of not feeling in control of my thoughts and actions. I am so tired of getting supremely angry at trivial things. I am so tired of living in this haze. Ugh, sorry for the rant, sometimes it just helps to type these things out since I dont have many people to express this part of my life to.

I went for a long walk through the forest today which seemed to help out but it can only help so much. I feel like my days and nights are melding into one vague, distorted, foggy stream. I do not want to give up but it has been a year and a half of self-improvement, learning, living and eating healthy, and trying to repair myself, and I still feel so broken. I hate to be so negative. I am physically healthier than I was but my mind still feels damaged. It seems like my life is against me, it seems like I am handed the worst possible scenario in every aspect of my life, but I pull my head up and try to think positively, but I just cant ever catch a break.

Maybe tomorrow life will throw me a rope and things might have some meaning. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like I am myself again. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like I can actually think clearly. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like I am experiencing my own life. Maybe tomrrow I will learn to write proper sentences and conduct proper grammer. /End of Rant
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Getting it out is good :) one quick tip in regards to feeling better tomorrow, you have to do something today. What I realize with dr and dp, it lifts gradually. The little efforts you put in each day , trust me when I say they add up. Even when it feels like nothing is changing. Soon you will see the symptoms lesson. Don't give up. I know 100% how your feeling. One day your dp and dr will fade.
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G
Totally understand you, it´s the same all over every day right? Don´t be afraid to behave a bit strangely, people can tolerate that I found out.

Good that you went for a walk, so you´re not completely crippled.
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This disorder is so fuking draining I can relate.
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