Depersonalization Support Forum banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts
G

·
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

I just want to show you an example of a DR moment, just to understant what is going on, and what can I do at this moment, to invert the DP?????

I am going in car, to my parents (example) with son. So far so good, DR and DP has been no that bad. I didn't notice much. Let's say 7/10. I go for dinner, I talk and talk, I notice that DR is not that bad again. Play with son, it's not 10/10 but Ok.

I decide to go out for a walk in my parents neighbourwood. Before I had very bad DP/DR moments here, but I try not to think of it. Then I go. At the beginning, it's 7/10, then, it began to increase (DR). 6/10..... I go to the grocery, and go out, ouf..... now I feel it 5/10 (bad). I try to focus on the trees..... it doens't look good. Look at my boy. DR again. I try to think what my psychologist told me, to think of logical arythmetics, but I feel more disconnected. No physical panick, but disconnected. I look at my watch, now try to think of a hour ago, when I talked at the dinner. NOthing! I feel like I have no memory. It's a fog. But I remember it wasn't that bad, but at this moment, I just feel...... O memory! I am scared. I think : this is Paxil. No, maybe it's the anti-anxiety I took at dinner. ex ex. Now I feel disconnected. ?Tend not to think at all, and appreciate the day...... TOO LATE. I feel dissociation. I end up at my house, and wasn't too aware of the walk. I say to myself : what did I do wrong? Why it's always like that?

(And I think I can't work like that, etc. Because I have ) memory, etc)

(Before Paxil I would cry too. Now I don,t cry. that is the MAJOR difference. No physical panick)

Can someone tell me how can I stop to dissociate?? Sometimes I almost feel there. Sometimes I almost feel that I agree to dissociate, like my mind is too used to do that!!! How to contrate outward?

Thanks Janine, if you could write, and others :) If you have tricks!!!!

Cynthia xxxx
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Hi,

I just want to show you an example of a DR moment, just to understant what is going on, and what can I do at this moment, to invert the DP?????

I am going in car, to my parents (example) with son. So far so good, DR and DP has been no that bad. I didn't notice much. Let's say 7/10. I go for dinner, I talk and talk, I notice that DR is not that bad again. Play with son, it's not 10/10 but Ok.

I decide to go out for a walk in my parents neighbourwood. Before I had very bad DP/DR moments here, but I try not to think of it. Then I go. At the beginning, it's 7/10, then, it began to increase (DR). 6/10..... I go to the grocery, and go out, ouf..... now I feel it 5/10 (bad). I try to focus on the trees..... it doens't look good. Look at my boy. DR again. I try to think what my psychologist told me, to think of logical arythmetics, but I feel more disconnected. No physical panick, but disconnected. I look at my watch, now try to think of a hour ago, when I talked at the dinner. NOthing! I feel like I have no memory. It's a fog. But I remember it wasn't that bad, but at this moment, I just feel...... O memory! I am scared. I think : this is Paxil. No, maybe it's the anti-anxiety I took at dinner. ex ex. Now I feel disconnected. ?Tend not to think at all, and appreciate the day...... TOO LATE. I feel dissociation. I end up at my house, and wasn't too aware of the walk. I say to myself : what did I do wrong? Why it's always like that?

(And I think I can't work like that, etc. Because I have ) memory, etc)

(Before Paxil I would cry too. Now I don,t cry. that is the MAJOR difference. No physical panick)

Can someone tell me how can I stop to dissociate?? Sometimes I almost feel there. Sometimes I almost feel that I agree to dissociate, like my mind is too used to do that!!! How to contrate outward?

Thanks Janine, if you could write, and others :) If you have tricks!!!!

Cynthia xxxx
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
That is an excellent description of your inner monologue and yes, that is precisely the kind of thoughts I would have as well, when I felt so unreal.

The THOUGHTS you have, those ways you tune into self....that is what makes the DR so bad.

Now pay attention, grin: I KNOW that when you're feeling really scared and so afraid you're losing your mind (like when you were walking down the street) there is no way you can stop those thoughts. I know that. When the DP/DR is moving to a 7 or below, you cannot just STOP thinking about it. Okay? I know that completely.

HOWEVER: and this is the "however" that will help you get well: the REST of the time, the times when you are NOT at the peak of your fears, those are the times when you DO have control over your thoughts.

The very fact that you know what a "9" feels like, grin...a 9 out of 10, if 10 is feeling real, then you are paying way too much attention to yourself when you're at a 9.

The ONLY time you should be surrendering to that self-watching is when/if you are feeling very very scared. The rest of the time, you must with every ounce of your will power, FORCE yourself not to watch yourself.

It's one of the hardest things you will ever do.

It is also the way out of this.

When you are NOT feeling terrible, do not allow yourself to think about yourself. FORCE yourself, and every time the mind turns back to self and symptoms, every time you are tempted to think "now how do I feel right this moment? This isn't too bad, this is better....I think..." DON'T do that.

Every minute you spend focusing on Self when you could force yourself away from it, is more fuel for the next bad attack.

TRUST me, grin....use every ounce of inner strength you have to not think about "how you feel" when you can.

Every ounce of strength.

If you were hanging on to a ledge, and someone told you to use ALL your will power to keep holding on, that is the same request I am making. It's life and death, my dear....(or sort of, grin...it's Life versus a life of misery)
Use every ounce of will power to NOT turn your attention to yourself.

Peace,
Janine
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
That is an excellent description of your inner monologue and yes, that is precisely the kind of thoughts I would have as well, when I felt so unreal.

The THOUGHTS you have, those ways you tune into self....that is what makes the DR so bad.

Now pay attention, grin: I KNOW that when you're feeling really scared and so afraid you're losing your mind (like when you were walking down the street) there is no way you can stop those thoughts. I know that. When the DP/DR is moving to a 7 or below, you cannot just STOP thinking about it. Okay? I know that completely.

HOWEVER: and this is the "however" that will help you get well: the REST of the time, the times when you are NOT at the peak of your fears, those are the times when you DO have control over your thoughts.

The very fact that you know what a "9" feels like, grin...a 9 out of 10, if 10 is feeling real, then you are paying way too much attention to yourself when you're at a 9.

The ONLY time you should be surrendering to that self-watching is when/if you are feeling very very scared. The rest of the time, you must with every ounce of your will power, FORCE yourself not to watch yourself.

It's one of the hardest things you will ever do.

It is also the way out of this.

When you are NOT feeling terrible, do not allow yourself to think about yourself. FORCE yourself, and every time the mind turns back to self and symptoms, every time you are tempted to think "now how do I feel right this moment? This isn't too bad, this is better....I think..." DON'T do that.

Every minute you spend focusing on Self when you could force yourself away from it, is more fuel for the next bad attack.

TRUST me, grin....use every ounce of inner strength you have to not think about "how you feel" when you can.

Every ounce of strength.

If you were hanging on to a ledge, and someone told you to use ALL your will power to keep holding on, that is the same request I am making. It's life and death, my dear....(or sort of, grin...it's Life versus a life of misery)
Use every ounce of will power to NOT turn your attention to yourself.

Peace,
Janine
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thnaks so much Janine,

But what can we do if DR go up to a bad 7/10 or 10 /10?? You say to focus on it, just in those moments, but to say what to ourselves? In those moments, what can we do to lessen a bit the DR? Because it can happen everywere, on important meetings, example, places where we need to be functional. I hate this dissociation. What can we do when it's very very there? (and we need to go on in the day?) Now I don,t work, but I am scared to have bad DR at work. Because when it's there, it's sticky like a glue. Until I take a anti-anxiety, of just do for sleep.

Also, Sometimes I feel like if I didn't think of DR, of what I just thought or did before, DR wouldn't have shown up. It's so frustrating to always think of DR!!!

Finally, I wonder why I always tend to think of what I just done before, or thought in the day, etc. When I don't feel DR bad, I tend to think of what I did in the day, just to "see" if I am OK like before my breakdown, because before I was always thinking of what I did or what I will do. But when I do that, it put me in a DR state. Does it mean that I just can think of the minute? I can't think of before like before?

Thanks so much. I will print those responses.

I try so hard to understand how my mind works!!!!

cynthia xxx
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thnaks so much Janine,

But what can we do if DR go up to a bad 7/10 or 10 /10?? You say to focus on it, just in those moments, but to say what to ourselves? In those moments, what can we do to lessen a bit the DR? Because it can happen everywere, on important meetings, example, places where we need to be functional. I hate this dissociation. What can we do when it's very very there? (and we need to go on in the day?) Now I don,t work, but I am scared to have bad DR at work. Because when it's there, it's sticky like a glue. Until I take a anti-anxiety, of just do for sleep.

Also, Sometimes I feel like if I didn't think of DR, of what I just thought or did before, DR wouldn't have shown up. It's so frustrating to always think of DR!!!

Finally, I wonder why I always tend to think of what I just done before, or thought in the day, etc. When I don't feel DR bad, I tend to think of what I did in the day, just to "see" if I am OK like before my breakdown, because before I was always thinking of what I did or what I will do. But when I do that, it put me in a DR state. Does it mean that I just can think of the minute? I can't think of before like before?

Thanks so much. I will print those responses.

I try so hard to understand how my mind works!!!!

cynthia xxx
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
No I'm not saying you SHOULD think about it even when it's terrible. But you will. It's nearly impossible NOT to think if you're in a state of massive terror, right?

There is no "right" or "wrong" thing to do at those times. Whatever you're doing, it's working. You get into those states and back out of them again.

The work gets done at the OTHER times. The symptoms either get conquered or increased during the times you are feeling slightly better.

Everytime we have a terrible episode, sure...we're saying "just tell me what to do! I'll do anything you say"

It's not then that we need to do anything.
It's when we're feeling better. And that's when we screw ourselves. We go back to self monitoring when we do not need to. We "explore" the scary areas - we look at ourselves and look more and more...and we work ourselves right back to the ledge.

Trust me.

When you can, every single second you can, turn your attention away from self. DO NOT WATCH yourself.

grins,
J
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
No I'm not saying you SHOULD think about it even when it's terrible. But you will. It's nearly impossible NOT to think if you're in a state of massive terror, right?

There is no "right" or "wrong" thing to do at those times. Whatever you're doing, it's working. You get into those states and back out of them again.

The work gets done at the OTHER times. The symptoms either get conquered or increased during the times you are feeling slightly better.

Everytime we have a terrible episode, sure...we're saying "just tell me what to do! I'll do anything you say"

It's not then that we need to do anything.
It's when we're feeling better. And that's when we screw ourselves. We go back to self monitoring when we do not need to. We "explore" the scary areas - we look at ourselves and look more and more...and we work ourselves right back to the ledge.

Trust me.

When you can, every single second you can, turn your attention away from self. DO NOT WATCH yourself.

grins,
J
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Janine,

Thanks so much. I really need your advices. I will try to do this.

But I just wondered WHAT You did when you were in DR land at a 10. Was it the time to relax, to take a anti-anxiety? Did it helped you? Or you went through the day like this until the next day?

I will try to focus outward.

Thanks so much,

Cynthia xxx
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Janine,

Thanks so much. I really need your advices. I will try to do this.

But I just wondered WHAT You did when you were in DR land at a 10. Was it the time to relax, to take a anti-anxiety? Did it helped you? Or you went through the day like this until the next day?

I will try to focus outward.

Thanks so much,

Cynthia xxx
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Dear one, I just did the same thing everybody does...I panicked and sometimes I ran to pay phone, begged my grandmother to put me a hospital, took extra meds, tried to lie down and be calm, got up and ran through the house terrified, crawled into a ball, tried to cry but felt only terror. Ate dinner. Felt my arms to see if they were mine. Took more valium. Watched TV. Made my grandmother talk to me while I tried to fall asleep. Repeated it all the next damn day.

There is no special "trick" for enduring the hell. There are just techniques for finding your way OUT.

Peace,
Janine
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Dear one, I just did the same thing everybody does...I panicked and sometimes I ran to pay phone, begged my grandmother to put me a hospital, took extra meds, tried to lie down and be calm, got up and ran through the house terrified, crawled into a ball, tried to cry but felt only terror. Ate dinner. Felt my arms to see if they were mine. Took more valium. Watched TV. Made my grandmother talk to me while I tried to fall asleep. Repeated it all the next damn day.

There is no special "trick" for enduring the hell. There are just techniques for finding your way OUT.

Peace,
Janine
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks Janine,

You are such a psychologist... I love you :) You should be a psychologist specialised in DP, and train other psychologists and psychiatrists to help DP people! :)

I wonder, when I see my psychologist, she tries to make me feel myself, touch my arms, etc. And she tries to help me focus outward while I do a panick attack, like... counting things in my head, counting things I see outdors, etc. Does not work for now. I wonder if I could ask her instead of talking about what I want to do in the future (if I weren't DP), and what would have been my goals, my hobbies, etc. Is it what you mean to say when you say talking of your desires, etc.? I think it would be hard, because I feel like I don't exist, or I am ill, so I don't have many plans, goals, desires, but to heal. You understand? DP takes all my life, goals, desires. But maybe it's the way to recovery? Doing LIKE if you are not ill? Talk LIKE if you are normal?

Also, I am a bit deceived because you said you weren't having a coping strategie when you feel bad DR. :cry: Maybe I will have to find mine.... Didn't find if for those 1/10 times. (Like now, I am back at home, when for an ice cream, and tried to focus like "we are in the night, monday, etc." and felt disconnected again from the real world. Distortion notion of time again. Damned :evil: Maybe I think tooooooooo much and want toooooooooo much to feel focused on the present right now.!

Thanks for reading and writing to me. I appreciate.

Cynthia x0x
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks Janine,

You are such a psychologist... I love you :) You should be a psychologist specialised in DP, and train other psychologists and psychiatrists to help DP people! :)

I wonder, when I see my psychologist, she tries to make me feel myself, touch my arms, etc. And she tries to help me focus outward while I do a panick attack, like... counting things in my head, counting things I see outdors, etc. Does not work for now. I wonder if I could ask her instead of talking about what I want to do in the future (if I weren't DP), and what would have been my goals, my hobbies, etc. Is it what you mean to say when you say talking of your desires, etc.? I think it would be hard, because I feel like I don't exist, or I am ill, so I don't have many plans, goals, desires, but to heal. You understand? DP takes all my life, goals, desires. But maybe it's the way to recovery? Doing LIKE if you are not ill? Talk LIKE if you are normal?

Also, I am a bit deceived because you said you weren't having a coping strategie when you feel bad DR. :cry: Maybe I will have to find mine.... Didn't find if for those 1/10 times. (Like now, I am back at home, when for an ice cream, and tried to focus like "we are in the night, monday, etc." and felt disconnected again from the real world. Distortion notion of time again. Damned :evil: Maybe I think tooooooooo much and want toooooooooo much to feel focused on the present right now.!

Thanks for reading and writing to me. I appreciate.

Cynthia x0x
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top