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Everything seems like getting worst and worst.

1935 Views 15 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Alfred Tan
Everything seems getting worst and worst regarding my GF having suspected DP and wanna have temporary break for 3 months with me.

I thought of giving her time and space, and it see if she will be feeling better. But end up she feeling not even feeling better because she found out that I have contacted her aunt and parents to get to know about her. She feels that i still could not let go of her temporary and even not feeling well to me. I am feeling numbed and betrayed as i am trying to give her some time and space and at the same time get to know her through her families, but end up failed to do so and even getting worst.

Last night, I was thinking to break up with her for permanently, no more three months because I think that break up with her permanently will make her feel better and let her feel that i let go of her completely. Now our temporary break had passed by 1 month, 2 months to go. She said she even not feeling well on me and her close friend advise me to give her more space or else she will not only leaves me, she leaves everyone also. Nowadays we don't know what is she think, whether she is suffering or lying on us, nobody knows. What my friend advise is let her feel comfortable and better before she is getting worst and ignoring us.

Now I am completely LOST, DEPRESSED, CONFUSED of her weird reaction. She is completely different. I can see she wants a restart on her life and now i even don't know whether she is having suspected DP or not as she said her feeling is almost gone or maybe stress or whatever, I have lost my direction. I can't work happily, move on my life happily, and so on. If this keep on going and going, i think i am the one who get stressed and get DP, not her.

Sorry for long-winded message. But i have no choice and i am feeling hopeless and helpless right now, i don't know what should i do for next, i can't really move on and my life is full of darkness.
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I know this is not a relationship forum, but i suspect she is getting any anxiety or depression that make her emotional depletion.
Alfred, I understand the way you must be feeling. It sucks to think the person you love doesn't want to be with you anymore, and I'm sure many people here can agree with me
But here's the hard part Alfred. Sometimes you have to let go. Give her space. Give her the time to rest and come back to normal. The pushing you are doing may be stressing her and delaying her recovery. Let me tell you this, everything will be okay. If she doesn't come back there's so many people out there its ridiculous. PM me sometime if you have to talk bud.
Thank you. But i am get suffering day by day.
You're completely wrong, she's being selfish by not telling him what's happening.
You are wrong too. I am the first one that she tell me what happened to her when she get suspected anxiety/panic attacks, but she does not admit it. Now it was too late for everything as she lost feeling to me in a sudden.
Well, I texted her last night and she replied to me just now. She said she avoid me because she won't want me to see her i will feel unwell. And i thought she is the one who feeling unwell. But right now everything is set.

She said that its hard to communicate and say things to me as i am emotionally unstable and immature. she dont wish to hurt me, but at the mean time she just want to be herself, she don't want to hurt herself anymore and force herself and she don't want to drag anymore.

Then i got said that since before we had promised 3 months temporary break, still have 2 months to go, lets give both of us time to be friend back and be normal, after that 3 months only decide alright? and i told her not to be too fast to make decision and we can be like friend now, because i wont want when we meet together in water activities or japan trip and feel unhappy right? she said of course, i am a good man and a good friend and she does not want to lose me as a friend.

Well, this is the best way to let both of us happy, eventhough i still misses her and loves her. But if she loves me, maybe after 3 months or one day she will look to my positivity and mature attitude and come back to me again?
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Help Me :(
You need to give her space.... I know you don't want to hear that, but smothering someone too much is probably one of the worst things you could do.

take it day by day, give her some space and see how things turn out.
She told me she is getting better and wanted to remain this. But then she still insist to delete all the comments and likes from her to me, she purposely go into my profile like fb, insta, wechat. I don't understand why, and she seems like so happy after break up which is so not her. Normally a person just break up just about 1 month, at least will be sad and so on, but she seems so normal and this is so different. This sunday i am going to slide the city (water activities) with her and friends. My friends will try to persuade her to see whether we can have a talk or not. I hope she will be willing to listen to us, and i would tell her after i have asked everything, i give her all the spaces she wants. If possible i will try to consult her to go for psychologist, eventhough it might be impossible. I already give her some space for one month but its getting worst and worst by deleting everything, this is so abnormal whereas every couple that loved each other so deep before, will not did it that early somemore we are still in temporary break.
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Sorry for the harsh and less than helpful responses, but honestly, I would not be able to give my best friend relationship advice in my current state. While your gf may be having DP/DR, and may want a break (which must be painful and confusing for you), we are not fit to mediate or advise you.

I can say it is feasible to want a break as a young female going through an accute mental health problem. As a young female, the dating market favors them, so they can afford more risks. As someone suffering with DP/DR acutely, I would not want the responsibility of a relationship. I wouldn't start one unless my health was moderately acceptable either, but that's okay.

Try not to despair. As you get older 1.) the tables turn in your favor, and 2.) hopefully more people are feeling mentally well. Maybe, if you don't let the stress of this break break you, there is a chance. Try changing your role, since circumstances have changed.
So you think there is a chance? I just want an honest answer from her that what caused dp/dr, i am willing to bring for psychologist if she is ok. But hopefully everything will be alright and fine. Hope she will listen to me. :(
I understand the pain. I was in a very fulfilling relationship except for the fact that both of our mental health issues got in the way. It's rough when it comes apart.
Well, yesterday we went to the water activities. She seems ok but less interaction with me as before, I do started the topic with her, just a little bit of chit chat. But could not get to ask her as I don't want to spoiled her playing mood, but it seems like she don't really enjoy eventhough she is with her cousins all the time, I can feel she is lack of happiness, even one of her closest friend, feels that their interactions are not as good as before anymore.

And then at night, I don't want to drag all these anymore, I texted her and ask her can we figure out everything and make everything a closure? But she said she have to prepare her ACCA exam this week which is so important for her, she said can I please wait until the end of her exam, she will give me an explanation.

She said many times of sorry to me as she don't want to drag it anymore, she agreed to meet up with me face to face and settle it. She also do asked that is my friends know about our break up, she just wanted to know and she dont mind others talk bad behind her, and she keep blaming herself that this is her fault, she takes all the blame, and then she said that, she have been in a hard situation for long, but she choose to face it instead of running away, and therefore she find relief for herself, she knows she live happily and i am in a sad situation, people will surely have bad words on her, but she don't give a shit anymore as from now on, she wanna live for herself. She keep on saying she won't blame me, she don't mind take all the blame as it was all her fault for this break up.

She said that the reason why she would still avoid having eyes contact with me, she will explain it to me when she meet. I am wondering is it because of the anxiety or what? But then i say out some of my feelings that my feelings to her will remain the same, eventhough i will not like last time wait for her forever, and will not wait her all the time, but at least i wanted her to happy. she is so appreciative that after this case, she feels that i am in more mature and good things for me.

But by then there are still a lot of question around.

1st - Actually is she still having that kind of feeling (anxiety) around her?
2nd - What is the causes of break up, lost feeling must be have some reason, anxiety or attitude?
3rd - Why she would be so cruel to delete everything about us and until recently she will purposely go to my status to delete all the comments and unlike it? These actions normally should be hate me and wanna unfriend with me.
4th - Why until now she would still avoid eye contact with me? That is strange.

Well, this sunday definitely we will agreed to meet up and settle up. I'm glad to hear that, but what to do for me next? continue to chase her? or wait? live my own life? Actually I love her still. :(

Just wanna update my story. Hope you can give some suggestion.
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Alfred, you sound completely obsessive. I don't mean to sound rude because believe me I have been obsessive in the past over people and so have millions of other people on the planet but looking at this as an outsider do you think this obsessiveness is maybe what's driving her away even more? or may be part of the reason why your relationship hasn't worked out? it can't all just be down to her, if you're like this out of the relationship then how were you in the relationship?. I mean you've joined a forum, wrote countless posts about her and even dedicated a blog to this girl - to me that is definitely over the top/bordering on obsessive.

Your ''relationship'' or your love for this girl to me seems like it's based on obsession/posession and not a genuine appreciation for her as a person.

There is a huge difference between real genuine love/relationships and fixation (though sometimes it feels like there isn't). Real love that you claim to feel is effortless, you don't need a title such as boyfriend or girlfriend from this person, you don't need to posses them, it means you simply enjoy the fact that they're in your life, you don't need them rather you just enjoy them. That doesn't mean to say you don't try in the relationship, have to agree on everything or don't make compromises to keep things working but overall it is effortless and this person enhances your life rather than complicating it.

Fixation as you can see/what screams out to me in your posts is not pleasant, it makes you feel like you're going to die, it makes you feel like you will never be OK again if you don't have this person, it feels like your heart is going to fall out of your bumhole everytime you think of them, it is stressful, it is probably one of the worst feelings I have felt (apart from dp/anxiety but I feel it's deffo up there).

I feel like your idea on what a relationship/real love are is completely skewed. A relationship isn't a possession like a car or a house, a relationship isn't a thing at all. A relationship is an interaction you are having with that person and the general tone of your interactions on a whole. Relationships are living and experienced in the moment.

REAL genuine relationships/love aren't created by trying to make someone do what you want them to do because you have a black hole inside of you.
Firstly, Thank you so much for your reply. I am very sorry for my behaviour in the post but i am feeling helpless.

Because i take love as everything, i admit i am immature in love. The feeling was just like every single person need to eat and drink to survive, for me love is the same. It takes time for me to fell in love to a person, and i was thought that she is going to be the one and so do her, nobody knows what will happened in the future, but I can't still accept the fact that she will just break up without any reason and she just say that she takes all the blame on herself and not my fault at all. If to love a person, if you love that person that deep, no matter how tough how hard, you can sustain to keep the relationship, just like me.

She said that she hopes to be friend back if the relationship does not work out after temporary break for few months. But do you think that we can be friend back after break up? for her maybe can, but for me i can't. Because of the situation around, the memories, everything with her, all comes out in my mind whenever i get through it, we break up not because of some serious issues such as betrayed each other, keep on quarrel, hate this and that, and so on. It might be the anxiety or stress disorder that she get during cambodia, I don't know, I am just so confused for everything, i was trying to get in a fine relationship, just be a good guy, love her and take good care of her, i don't mind if sometimes she hurt me, i am so sorry, i was trying to accept the fact but our memories are too genuine and true, that i can't believe that she will did that, even she also can't believe that, everybody is gonna be shock about our relationship because our relationship was too sweet and close until it was impossible to break up.

I wanted to text her and tell her all my feelings, i miss her, i didn meant to push her or stress her out, but i just want to say it out everything, try everything just to let her think back of our memories before we met up this sunday. :(
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