[Guest]

the struggle with finding my place in life, in regards to a career has been the toughest obstacle I have ever faced in my entire life. Because I am 23, and am to afraid to take any steps, it is killing me, literally. i stress so much about this, and think about it 24/7, i feel like i am going to explode. it is effecting every aspect of my life. and i feel totally alone in this situation. if i don't make something happen, i am afraid of what will happen to me in the future. what makes it worse, is that my girlfriend is ultra successful, which tears me up on the inside. and whenever she accomplishes something else, it makes me feel horrible. i know this sounds bad, but it's the truth. and i have no where else to vent.

 

[Guest]

Can't offer you any advice except sympathising 100%.

Just thought I'd let you know I read and understood your post.

 

[Guest]

thanks mrmole

i just don't know what i can do, and i am in full panic mode. i am not one to wine, or put forth the victim mentality. but i don't know what to do, and i am scared. when i look inside for direction or a sense of what i should do, i get a whole mess of emotions and disorganized thought. i don't know what i am going to do - that is all i know. i see a therapist every week for this issue, but it dosen't help. my girlfriend tries to help, but it makes it worse. my mom verbally abuses me because of this situation. and my dad has his own issue with alcoholism. i don't know what i am going to do. i feel trapped with now way out.

 

[Guest]

thanks mrmole

i just don't know what i can do, and i am in full panic mode. i am not one to wine, or put forth the victim mentality. but i don't know what to do, and i am scared. when i look inside for direction or a sense of what i should do, i get a whole mess of emotions and disorganized thought. i don't know what i am going to do - that is all i know. i see a therapist every week for this issue, but it dosen't help. my girlfriend tries to help, but it makes it worse. my mom verbally abuses me because of this situation. and my dad has his own issue with alcoholism. i don't know what i am going to do. i feel trapped with now way out.

I know, it can be so hard. I also get the random thoughts, and feelings. I also see someone every week - what advise have you gotten so far?

Sorry to hear about your home life, that can't help.

I know what you mean about your g/f trying to help and it makes it worse...makes you feel...'needy' or something - so I put up with it myself.

 

[shadowness]

i can relate to this...

when i had to quit college due to my panic disorder and agoraphobia i had no idea what to do....

i was in too much fo a state to start working but needed money coming in...

i applied for benifits and then just sat at home all day every day...just wasting my time try to distract myself....

then after a traumatic event i was dp'ed and dr'ed 24/7 ever since...

but after 4 months of doing that i just had to do something...so i started doing volenteer work at a local charity shop...

and i have been doing that since december and it has helped me so much in terms of meeting people and getting out...although dp and dr has not lessened...

but now i am thinking...i do not want to be on benifits forever and want to be able to work full time in this kind of work...

but i just do not know what to do with my life...i feel like i do not know what sort of person i am and just get so scared of having to find a place in the world...

being part of the world is hella scary...but it is something i think just needs to come in its own time...

i am not sure what i can say to help...but just wanted you to know that i understand the kind of thing you are going through...

 

[danny]

jophe

Hey, I totally sympothis with your problems. It is an extremely stressful time, I know, I am in it with you at the moment too. I am graduating this summer from uni and needed to decide what to do.

This subject does require some though, deep though, which i s'pose is something should really avoid with dr :shock: But you have to really work out what it is that brings you happiness in life? And only you can work this out. Don't worry that you girlfriend may be more ''successful'' in certain ways, all that matter with a career is that it is enjoyable and brings in enough money to put some food on the table.

Try not to worry about the future, only a few years in advance MAX! No one can know what will come around the corner, so just follow your heart and do the job that you desire. I though about it and in less than 3 weeks am off to New Zealand to do my snowboard instructors course, should be awesome although i am shi**ing myself about it.

Good luck

 

[Guest]

everyone - i want to give you all a sincere thank you. it doesn't feel so bleak when others put forth the effort to help out a complete stranger. I know what I love to do - design. but i am having a hard time bringing myslef to just do it. i know (as ashamed as I am to admit it), that the thing that holds me back is my mother. she has done a whack job on instilling so much fear in my life growing up, that it has stuck with me on a deep level. i just need to break away from it - all of the fear. and I need to find it inside of me to believe in myself, and take charge of my life. Cause right now I am stuck in a cycle - I go into panic mode about my current position in life, anxiety/despair, then depression, then self-defeating thoughts that make it hard to take action - and so forth. I need to just jump in, and forget about all of the fear. I don't know why, but I attract ultra successful people to me. So there is a constant reminder of what I haven't done with my life. And my girlfriend progressing in her life, and me being left behind - tears me up so much. and as a result, i get so jealous because of my insecurities.

wow, i can't believe i am typing all of this - i have never been so honest with others about myself.

 

[rainboteers]

Take it one small step at a time and try to forget about everyone else. You have to remember that you are struggling with a mental problem that they don't have to deal with. Take it easy on yourself you are doing the best that you can and that is ALL anyone can ask of you.

 

[Guest]

rainboteers

thanks for the sympathy, it's a pretty tough thing we as a community have to deal with, especially since we all seem so normal to the outside observer. but we have our own accomplishments, it takes so much courage for many of us to take on the day. as for your situation, your growing, you know? you will find ways to get to that vision you have of having your own place, etc. just keep that vision in mind. and as long as you don't get side tracked (addictions, alcohol, etc.), the healing process will happen. and growth is inevitable. but you feel ashamed because you are a succesful person, who has goals, desires, etc, and probably competitive too it's just that we have a stumbling block or two, or three, or twenty in my case. and it is frustrating. but let's keep working on it, taking it on everyday because growth and change will happen.

peace

joshua

 

[enngirl5]

Joshua,

What is it that you would like to do for a career? Decide that first and then make small steps at accomplishing your goal. You don't have to start at the top. I'm on the bottom of the food chain in my field but I know I'll slowly move up and be where I want to be in a few years. These things take time. Quit being so hard on yourself.

 

[Guest]

Joshua, I don't know you at all, but thought I'd add this. Your angst over not having a career path yet MIGHT be related to you feeling so crippled and stuck with your dp symptoms, etc...(unable to function in the world because of all the awful feelings you experience)

or...

It might also have to do with something else that alot of the DP and obsessive types here (me included!) have in common. Sometimes the very idea of CHOOSING one thing is unbearable because in our fantasies, we have EVERY option open. To actually buckle down and start building ONE career (studies, degrees, contacts, etc..the whole show) means having to GIVE UP all the myriad of enticing fantasies we harbor that we could be ANYthing we wanted (if we ever just got started)

There is something intrinsic to these dp characters we seem to have that often keeps us stuck (frozen, actually) BEYOND the symptoms we experience. We have trouble starting, committing to a path - we tend to live in our imaginations and foster ideas about "one day..." or "I could do this, or that or that..." and explore the world only in fantasy.

We can imagine BEING anything, but not BUILDING it. The day to day (boring!) work of building a pathway feels unappealing, so we console ourselves with more fantasies with what we COULD do, or WILL do (once we feel terrific and can take on the world)

CHOOSING means losing (the other unchosen options), and it is very painful to us and we resent that we have to select SOMEthing at the foreclosure of entertaining ALL

IF that makes no sense to you, apologies, lol...but I know it's true for many of us so I thought I'd toss it out there.

Peace,
Janine

 

[Guest]

Joshua,

What is it that you would like to do for a career? Decide that first and then make small steps at accomplishing your goal. You don't have to start at the top. I'm on the bottom of the food chain in my field but I know I'll slowly move up and be where I want to be in a few years. These things take time. Quit being so hard on yourself.

i LOVE graphic design/artdirection/product design. i mean i can do it nonstop, live it, breath it, sleep it, you know? but as soon as i get myself pumped up, i start thinking about money (it doesn't pay that great), fluctuating job security, etc. then i stop thinking flighty, and start thinking realistically (in my mind) about going into a medical field - b/c i do enjoy it, but i feel i have this awesome talent in design, you know? so would i be happy doing anything else? so that's why i am stuck. i just need to move on one of my intrests, and say to hell with it you know? the challenge is making that step happen, and not feeling that life is passing me by because of it because of not taking the step i need to use my courage, and take that step that i am so afraid of taking. art and creativity are my passions, but medicine provides stability???

 

[Guest]

Joshua, I don't know you at all, but thought I'd add this. Your angst over not having a career path yet MIGHT be related to you feeling so crippled and stuck with your dp symptoms, etc...(unable to function in the world because of all the awful feelings you experience)

or...

It might also have to do with something else that alot of the DP and obsessive types here (me included!) have in common. Sometimes the very idea of CHOOSING one thing is unbearable because in our fantasies, we have EVERY option open. To actually buckle down and start building ONE career (studies, degrees, contacts, etc..the whole show) means having to GIVE UP all the myriad of enticing fantasies we harbor that we could be ANYthing we wanted (if we ever just got started)

There is something intrinsic to these dp characters we seem to have that often keeps us stuck (frozen, actually) BEYOND the symptoms we experience. We have trouble starting, committing to a path - we tend to live in our imaginations and foster ideas about "one day..." or "I could do this, or that or that..." and explore the world only in fantasy.

We can imagine BEING anything, but not BUILDING it. The day to day (boring!) work of building a pathway feels unappealing, so we console ourselves with more fantasies with what we COULD do, or WILL do (once we feel terrific and can take on the world)

CHOOSING means losing (the other unchosen options), and it is very painful to us and we resent that we have to select SOMEthing at the foreclosure of entertaining ALL

IF that makes no sense to you, apologies, lol...but I know it's true for many of us so I thought I'd toss it out there.

Peace,
Janine

JANINE I LOVE YOU! You hit the nail on the head, baby! you married, j/k :lol:

That is what I feel!!!!!!! second case is where I am at! you put it so well, i can't believe it. I thought it was unique to me. what info do you have on dealing with it? how do you deal with decisions??? what about the career one? fantasy world, yes that is where i am at. i fantasize about the good and bad when it comes to making a decision, and reality is usually far from it. what should you listen, or do you listen to? the fantasy, or what you think is realistic????

 

[Guest]

actually, i might have jumped the gun a bit. the only thing that is different for me is that i want to build a career, and get on a sinlge path. but my instinct doesn't want me to

 

[Sojourner]

Joshua,

Deciding now to do what you have to do to become a designer doesn't mean that you cannot go into the medical field later on. Perhaps you could even combine the two! Graphic design in medical education is very important.

These days people move around a lot.

Do you need to finish up school, or are you through? Join some professional discussion groups online in your field. There's a boatload of networking opportunities on the Internet for most fields.

Is your portfolio ready to go? Are you applying for jobs? Do you have a Web site? Map out five things to do and just do those to get started. These are just suggestions, of course.

Best wishes to you,

Sojourner

 

[enngirl5]

If you don't want to go to school for 4 years I'm sure there are plenty of graphic artist type programs at technical or community colleges. Research some in your area and go. Or just start working on it on your own and work freelance. A lot of graphic designers and web designers etc, can work out of their home. Put ads out there in the newspaper or go to companies and see if they have any work for you. Like Sojourner said, make a porfolio and check around on the internet for opportunities. I know how you feel about choosing what you like verses stability. My passion is psychology but I chose to major in Finance and I'm sure it will come back to bite me in the ass when I'm in a career I hate 20 years from now, but I know I can always go back to school and get a degree in psychology. Your options are never over. I know plenty of people 40 and up that are in medical school and doing med residencies. Do one thing and if you don't like it, switch to another. Feel your way through it and find out what you like. I hope things work out for you. Take care.

 

[Martinelv]

Sometimes the very idea of CHOOSING one thing is unbearable because in our fantasies, we have EVERY option open.

Intruiging. I think there may be more truth in this than I'd like to believe.

 

[Guest]

Martin has, it seems, responded positively to an indepth analytic concept.

Buy batteries and keep your children close. Armageddon has begun.

 

[person3]

Jophe-

a couple things...

just for my own knowledge, and purely objective (you can pm me the honest answer if you want), what do you say to your girlfriend/how do you HONESTLY regard her/how do you treat her accomplishments. Do you praise? Ignore? Get mad or happy or what, to her? I just want to know becuase I have sometimes been the "high achiever" dating someone with less things going on for them.

also, i'm 23. I've had this same problem but lately I've just been thinking "one thing at a time"...usually my "dream" career is NOT something I would like in real life at ALL! So I dropped the artistic ambitions and such, and just went ahead and signed up for real estate class. I just recently passed the first exam...if i pass the one in OKC I get my realtor's liscense. Pretty cool for someone who usually lives in their head, no?

But seriously. And this is something I have prided myself on advising to Janine The best thing for me is to really do one thing at a time. If you have a lot of things you have to do to build a career, just think: what do I have to do? and do the first thing that pops into mind instead of thinking and analyzing over/about it. Just do the first thing first, no matter how high or low of a priority it is, that way you have it out of the way and can do the next thing. Don't worry if it was the right or wrong thing, because the experience you have gained from a) actually following THROUGH on something and b) anything related to the task you have done, will stay with you forever and help you have even more confidence to do the next thing. It has helped me.

All that being said, I would suggest going out and finding SOMETHING...you could do real estate like me Is it my dream job? No, although I love houses and buildings and always had an obsessioin with them. But I feel good because it's something I'm working towards, that could get me financial independence if I am good at it.

Wow, even that thought is scary.

Honestly, there are probably close to zero people our age with jobs they really love, or who are doing what they REALLY want to do. They are ALL doing it one step at a time, and your girlfriend has probably just developed that habit a long time ago, nothing to compete wtih really...she just had gotten into the right habits earlier in life. Most people don't so don't worry if you're "behind", because you're not. I know some people who are "behind"...the ones that truly will never get anywhere...hehe...you don't want to meet them. And you don't sound like one of them at ALL.

It may just look like everyone is more successful than you because you're worrying about it and because you haven't set a solid foundation yet and are still kind if in your head about the whole thing.

I would just find something, anything, and be like "what do i have to do to be able to start doing this" and take it one step at a time. Don't even worry if it's the right thing or what you want to do in life, because if you REALLY want to do something, you will somehow make time for it and do it. Otherwise it was just another mental distraction.

 

[person3]

Also i'm wondering if the attitude of "there are so many things that I want to do that I can't decide!" is really a mask for something like: "I don't want to grow up. I don't want to have to work."

I'm NOT saying that is your case, but I do know of some people (like an ex boyfriend who was 11 years my senior!) who had this attitude yet couldn't just be like "alright" and go find a normal job and deal with it.

This is nothing about you, I'm just wondering aloud...