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[To expand on my status: The existential thoughts are not only terrifying, but annoying. I don't care why I was born when I was. I don't care why I am who I am. I don't care. I just don't give a shit. I'm here. It's a thing. I want to enjoy my luxuries again. I DON'T CARE. LEAVE ME ALONE, THOUGHTS.]

Another day. Today was seriously the best yet, up until around four in the afternoon. It sort of spiraled from there, and got rather bad. But I'm doing okay, for this second. Things still seem off, and it's scarier than I can really write, but it'll be gone soon and I'll be back to my stupid self. Which is rather nice, because I wish constantly thinking about all the stupid stuff I watch. I was a stupid weeaboo but I was a happy stupid weeaboo, goddammit.

This is just a phase. No, not the weeaboo thing, that'll be around forever. I mean this DP/DR. It's just a phase, like many people have said on this forum. Like your scene phase. Except of saying 'RAWR means I love you in dinosaur', you're in your own personal hell. So I guess the same thing. (No, not even close. I'd much rather be in my scene phase then. At least when I was in my scene phase I perceived time correctly.) (Wait, no. I was so ugly at that point. Never mind.) (...Fuck, I'd rather be hideous and happy, so no. I meant that.)

Tomorrow I get to see my CBT! Thank god. I'm really hoping she knows what DP/DR is, since I've seen people say that it's not widely known and that frightens me. It's a long car ride and I'm not sure I'm up to it. I used to be up to them, and I'm sure I will be when I'm out of this. But for now... no.

I wish I could've had this in spring. The fact that the sun sets so early really makes my 'time passing' thing way worse than it has to be. So does the fact that every other commercial is a Christmas commercial. God fucking dammit. I just want to get through this so badly. I'm so close, but so far away, and it sucks.
 
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