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And I'm back once more to give out some advice. Because I'm not a huuuuuge dick and someone asked for my story, and I shall give it, but it's not really anything special.

One thing I will say that everyone says on here who's recovered is get off these forums. It's a nice place, rad people, really well made and well kept, but damn. Being on here is like having a heroin addiction and trying to recover while shooting up every hour. Well... okay, maybe not like that. You'd probably die from that. I don't know. But it's really not healthy, so get off of here. Me saying this won't actually make you leave, but things got so much easier once I stopped coming on here.

If you're in high school or college even, do not take time off. Do not. Not only will you be fucked in the ass -- I'm in homeschool and I am so fucking behind, even now -- but it's not going to help. You have to keep up with things. Seriously, it's going to suck, and you're not going to like it, but you have to. It will ultimately be your saving grace.

On the subject of distraction... it's hard. Super hard. With what's occupying your mind, you can't really fully distract yourself ever. At least I never could. But slowly, you start not having to distract yourself. It fades. It fades super slowly, but it fades. It goes away. It will go away.

"But Allison!" you say with a gasp, or maybe not. "How will I return to normal? I can't come back from this!"

Well, yes and no. You do change a bit after you're over this, but it's really not bad. Like, at all. I used to be super afraid of death and I used to sit in paralyzed fear over existential questions. I was literally scared every moment. Now? I literally don't care. I'm apathetic towards death; I'm just not scared of it anymore. It's going to happen more than likely -- anything is possible, y'know -- and whatever happens afterwards happens. Despite being very agnostic, I am Catholic and I was raised Catholic, so I do believe in God, but I also acknowledge that I don't know and only will when I die. Typing this sentence would've scared me before, but not anymore. So yes, you're going to be different in a good way. But your personality isn't going to change. I'm still a huge dick and like to make stupid jokes with my friends -- I'm back to being really obnoxious. My cats are back to being miserable because now I bother them again. My mother now has her extremely loud and obnoxious child back. I'm really the same, just not fearful. Fuck, man, I'm getting a tattoo soon -- okay, in context, that sounds slightly manic but I promise, it wasn't a split-second decision. So don't worry, I'm fine.

But yes. All in all, you'll be a better version of you. Don't worry.

My DP/DR lasted... I'd say a month and a week. I got off really easy, not to say that you won't too. If you're just starting DP/DR, read recovery stories and then get off of here. Go force yourself to do your routine, do what you like to do usually, don't let it take over. It's hard, seemingly impossible even, but you'll do it eventually.

You're gonna be okay.
 
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