I haven't posted a new topic for such a long time but I had the urge this evening.
My level of anxiety has diminished somewhat but I'm having feelings of emptiness and apathy. Also it seems like I'm waiting for something to happen to finally make me realise that all this DP/DR is over. And my mind is constantly ruminating about the finality of death and the fact that it's awaiting all of us. And I keep thinking of all the people that were once part of my life that have now passed.
I'm amazed that so few people think about death. Here I am a conscious being and then nothing...incomprehensible nothing. No me, you, family, friends, thoughts, feelings, reality.....nothing. When I think of this stuff everything begins to lose all meaning. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, it's more a feeling of melancholy. I seem to be good at blocking my mind from thinking about it but that might be making these feelings worse. But what choice do I have. If I think about death, trying to understand it, it only leads to fear, sadness and unfortunately an increased level of DP.
I'm almost thinking of making myself believe in god and a heaven to alleviate this mood but I would only be lying to myself. Just wondering if anyone has had similar feelings?