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Emptiness and death

2856 Views 21 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  Sojourner
I haven't posted a new topic for such a long time but I had the urge this evening.

My level of anxiety has diminished somewhat but I'm having feelings of emptiness and apathy. Also it seems like I'm waiting for something to happen to finally make me realise that all this DP/DR is over. And my mind is constantly ruminating about the finality of death and the fact that it's awaiting all of us. And I keep thinking of all the people that were once part of my life that have now passed.

I'm amazed that so few people think about death. Here I am a conscious being and then nothing...incomprehensible nothing. No me, you, family, friends, thoughts, feelings, reality.....nothing. When I think of this stuff everything begins to lose all meaning. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, it's more a feeling of melancholy. I seem to be good at blocking my mind from thinking about it but that might be making these feelings worse. But what choice do I have. If I think about death, trying to understand it, it only leads to fear, sadness and unfortunately an increased level of DP.

I'm almost thinking of making myself believe in god and a heaven to alleviate this mood but I would only be lying to myself. Just wondering if anyone has had similar feelings?
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for a moderator
Why you little.....................(*&&^%^*%

Back to the queue with you, again.
I'm just dealing with my unconscious feelings that are erupting lately, plus some anxiety and not feeling as chipper as usual.

Now I'm beating myself over the head because a company in California wants to fly me out for more interviews and I don't know if I can hold myself together enough to do it.

I love you all and nobody's behavior toward me has affected my posting.

Update Thursday Morning 1:03 a.m.--A problem that has been hanging around for a while got solved today, so my anxiety has disappeared. Not the job thing, but a dental thing that was worrying me a lot. At the dentist's this afternoon, when I heard the good news, my anxiety just dropped off me like a wet towel.

My sense is that folks are wearied and weighed down by problems that need solving -- problems unrelated to the specific mental symptoms that bother them.
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