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Emptiness and death

2858 Views 21 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  Sojourner
I haven't posted a new topic for such a long time but I had the urge this evening.

My level of anxiety has diminished somewhat but I'm having feelings of emptiness and apathy. Also it seems like I'm waiting for something to happen to finally make me realise that all this DP/DR is over. And my mind is constantly ruminating about the finality of death and the fact that it's awaiting all of us. And I keep thinking of all the people that were once part of my life that have now passed.

I'm amazed that so few people think about death. Here I am a conscious being and then nothing...incomprehensible nothing. No me, you, family, friends, thoughts, feelings, reality.....nothing. When I think of this stuff everything begins to lose all meaning. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, it's more a feeling of melancholy. I seem to be good at blocking my mind from thinking about it but that might be making these feelings worse. But what choice do I have. If I think about death, trying to understand it, it only leads to fear, sadness and unfortunately an increased level of DP.

I'm almost thinking of making myself believe in god and a heaven to alleviate this mood but I would only be lying to myself. Just wondering if anyone has had similar feelings?
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I spent so long obsessed about my imminent death that never came... I got DP because of it.

But now DPs gone and obsessive rumination on death is gone too_Of course, I'm hyper aware when I walk into a busy street. I'm not interested in dying any time soon but...

I've lost my brother, my father, and a lover. Those events are the most emotionally powerful and truly human experiences I know.

Death puts us all on the spot... it's best if we can let our grief flow out and through us as soon as possible, immediately is the ideal. It has a way of blocking us up our hearts and festering in our minds if we don't... making some of us mentally unstable, some depressed, and some emotionally frigid until we eventually figure out how to let go of it all completely.

Unfortunately for many of us humans, letting go/freedom from psychological bondage doesn't come til very late in the game... until the moment of our death, when all of us must let go of everything, shed our skin... entire lives lived with deadened, sublimated emotional pain.

My uncle spent the last few years of his life incapacitated by tears and terrible fear of his future death. Oxygen tank, lying in bed, crying. Totally sad.

But we all make that choice for ourselves...
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