Emptiness and death

2853 Views 21 Replies 8 Participants Last post by Sojourner, Oct 12, 2005

Milan

Discussion Starter · Oct 9, 2005

I haven't posted a new topic for such a long time but I had the urge this evening.

My level of anxiety has diminished somewhat but I'm having feelings of emptiness and apathy. Also it seems like I'm waiting for something to happen to finally make me realise that all this DP/DR is over. And my mind is constantly ruminating about the finality of death and the fact that it's awaiting all of us. And I keep thinking of all the people that were once part of my life that have now passed.

I'm amazed that so few people think about death. Here I am a conscious being and then nothing...incomprehensible nothing. No me, you, family, friends, thoughts, feelings, reality.....nothing. When I think of this stuff everything begins to lose all meaning. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, it's more a feeling of melancholy. I seem to be good at blocking my mind from thinking about it but that might be making these feelings worse. But what choice do I have. If I think about death, trying to understand it, it only leads to fear, sadness and unfortunately an increased level of DP.

I'm almost thinking of making myself believe in god and a heaven to alleviate this mood but I would only be lying to myself. Just wondering if anyone has had similar feelings?

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Milan

Discussion Starter · #6 · Oct 10, 2005

Thankyou all for replying.

I really want to reply to each one of your posts but it just seems like quite a chore at the moment but I really do appreciate you guys taking the time to post a reply.

Terri I would love you to join me on my boat as I was beginning to feel a wee bit lonely and dejected. As for our method of shoving this crap as far down as we can being an ineffective way of dealing with this problem, stiff! I've tried other ways but to no avail. Being ignorant like the rest of the population seems to be the best thing to do.

Terri a quick side note, what does the * mean at the end of your name? Do you take it as a wild card? Just curious.

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Milan

Discussion Starter · #8 · Oct 10, 2005

Terri thanks for your reply, you put a smile on my face.

You and and Rainboteers bring so much warmth and compassion to this board and all of us are lucky to have you both here. It's strange as I've never met you two and yet through your words I can really feel how empathetic and gracious you two are. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!

Actually, I just got to work and I was feeling very low. My whole existence feels so fragmented this morning and it's really bringing me down. Feeling confused and unsure of myself in this reality, mind and body. Feels like I don't belong here, that I need to wake up, die or something to get back to my normal world. After reading your post Terri* it made me feel better. Now that's got to be a good thing.

Enough talk - got to get back to the oars and row.

:Terri* screaming through a megaphone:

Stroke......stroke......stroke........

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Milan

Discussion Starter · #14 · Oct 11, 2005

Wow! I thought this was going to be a two post thread. Actually surprised at how many people have responded. Thanks all.

Martin, the tone of my post was probably a little darker than what I wanted it to be. I don't actually obsess about death as much as you may think. Agree that I obsess about DP/DR and other things but death is not a major obsession though it does rise up into my consciousness on occasions like the other night.

Sometimes DP makes me feel overwhelmed by the concept of existence and then when I think of the opposite existence, death, I enter this state which is unbearably strange, surreal and weird. Hard to explain but this feeling normally brings along my good old buddy anxiety which then compounds the DP. This feeling may be the reason why at times I get so worked up about death. If the feeling wasn?t so strong it would be a fleeting thought like it is for most people then you get back to paying the bills and feeding the pets.

Maybe at times I'm worried that I'm getting older and things just haven?t happened as planned (and I'm becoming very much more accepting of that as each day passes). I might also be worried that this DP/DR might have more legs than I have life left. Not really sure. But I can assure you that I do try to make the most of what I have each day and I love the fact that I'm blessed with such wonderful family and friends.

Yes - I'm all for ignorance! 'Ignorance is Bliss' is the song I sing constantly in my mind. I have nothing against ignorance apart from the fact that it is sh!t hard to BE ignorant at times.

Thanks guys for all your thoughts I appreciate your concern. Nice to know people care.

PS Bright23 good to see you back. Haven?t seen a post from you for a while. Was wondering if you had left for good.

PPS Sojourner. A couple of months ago your were all over the board. You?ve become very subdued lately. Have you lost that edge of yours?

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