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Emptiness and death

2854 Views 21 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  Sojourner
I haven't posted a new topic for such a long time but I had the urge this evening.

My level of anxiety has diminished somewhat but I'm having feelings of emptiness and apathy. Also it seems like I'm waiting for something to happen to finally make me realise that all this DP/DR is over. And my mind is constantly ruminating about the finality of death and the fact that it's awaiting all of us. And I keep thinking of all the people that were once part of my life that have now passed.

I'm amazed that so few people think about death. Here I am a conscious being and then nothing...incomprehensible nothing. No me, you, family, friends, thoughts, feelings, reality.....nothing. When I think of this stuff everything begins to lose all meaning. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, it's more a feeling of melancholy. I seem to be good at blocking my mind from thinking about it but that might be making these feelings worse. But what choice do I have. If I think about death, trying to understand it, it only leads to fear, sadness and unfortunately an increased level of DP.

I'm almost thinking of making myself believe in god and a heaven to alleviate this mood but I would only be lying to myself. Just wondering if anyone has had similar feelings?
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Hi Milan,

I have recently learned of this term anticipatory grief. It sounds a bit like what you have and is alot like what I have. My problem arises from thinking of life flying by, people my age are starting to die, my parents are nearing the end of their lives and I get overwhelmed at the sense of loss I will be having to endure. Have you ever had your will done? They read it back to you after they have it all typed up. I started wailing at the end as I realized, well, there you have it... I'm dead and gone. :cry:

I bought a book recently to help me cope with preparing for my future losses and all it did was send me spiraling into depression over my future demise. :shock:

I do have beliefs, but unfortunately I don't find comfort in all the sad things that happen in life. A girlfriend of 20 years called yesterday to say she had been diagnosed with breast cancer...and so the waiting begins anew. I have lost 2 friends so far to it. I have lost friends to alcoholism, ovarian cancer, old age. I get overwhelmed with this feeling of loss.

So, here it what I am doing to work on it...trying to shove that sh&t as far down as possible! :p If you don't think about it, it ain't there, right? No, wrong. :?

This is basically a reply to say...move over, we'll share the same boat, if that's okay with you?
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Lovely day for an outing in the old boat, don't you think?

When I first came to this board, a couple of years ago, I initially thought two things...I was one of the oldest people here and that I had had dr longer then most. So I choose longtimer as my "name". Well then I found out how old Janine was 8) ( :lol: ), no really, then I realized there were those who had had it way past my years. i decided at some point I wanted to authenticate myself and use my real name. When I went to pick terri it was already taken. There was a quy on the board at that time who used an * after his name, so I thought it was as easy as anything else to differentiate myself. ( I've never seen the original Terri post. :? )

So that, my little sleepyhead, is the long story of how the * came to be.

Oh look, a beautiful flock of geese! Oh maannn, hating they did that on your head. :shock: See, it appears sometimes we just can't get away from some kinds of sh$t.


Row faster, my man, row faster!!
" I haven't moderated a goddam thing,..."

Well then what good are ya?


"Difference of opinion is good." :shock: This is bait for his own evil, people. Be afraid, be very afraid. :shock:
Honey, you have been so good. It is quite the shame. :(

Even in the religious section you just didn't seem to carry out that one, two punch.

:shock: Perchance this is why you're depressed!!!

Kind of like Popeye and his spinach...

You need to bitch, you need to raise hell, you need to delete !!!

Who will offer themselves up as the sacrificial lamb?? Janine tried once, but he was too afraid of her. 8)

No, we need our strongest gladiator of warmongering to step up to the plate. Who shall it be???
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We must have posted at the same time.

You're being so good.
I'm going back to bed.

(good advice btw...for a moderator. :wink: )

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