Ok my problem is even though i see why lifes significant, i cant see why emotions are significant and thus i fall back in the same hole where life seems pointless. I dont know why i think emotions are meaningless. I dont know why i think love doesnt mean anything. Im desperately trying to get back to a state where i see the significance of all that. Its just impossible. I cant tell if this is stemming from emotional numbness or if the emotional numbness is being caused by these thoughts. Cause like i do feel things but its like they are shielded by the thoughts that feeling means nothing and happiness doesnt matter and i dont need to feel it and life doesnt matter. Then other times it more like i actually dont feel anything at all and those periods make it so much worse. Im so sick of this, im constantly trying to read or watch uplifting things that may help me see the significance of it all but its just not happening. I want to feel like life matters. That its all worth it. That the good stuff is what makes it worth while. But i cant feel the good stuff or even see a reason for it anymore. I dont know what the fucks going on anymore. I thought dp was bad but this depression is worse than anything ive ever experianced. I keep reading up on a thing called "the dark night of the soul" which seems to resonate with me alot but i dont know how to get out of it.