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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok my problem is even though i see why lifes significant, i cant see why emotions are significant and thus i fall back in the same hole where life seems pointless. I dont know why i think emotions are meaningless. I dont know why i think love doesnt mean anything. Im desperately trying to get back to a state where i see the significance of all that. Its just impossible. I cant tell if this is stemming from emotional numbness or if the emotional numbness is being caused by these thoughts. Cause like i do feel things but its like they are shielded by the thoughts that feeling means nothing and happiness doesnt matter and i dont need to feel it and life doesnt matter. Then other times it more like i actually dont feel anything at all and those periods make it so much worse. Im so sick of this, im constantly trying to read or watch uplifting things that may help me see the significance of it all but its just not happening. I want to feel like life matters. That its all worth it. That the good stuff is what makes it worth while. But i cant feel the good stuff or even see a reason for it anymore. I dont know what the fucks going on anymore. I thought dp was bad but this depression is worse than anything ive ever experianced. I keep reading up on a thing called "the dark night of the soul" which seems to resonate with me alot but i dont know how to get out of it.
 

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Well, honest truth is you probably won't feel exactly how you did about things before. These experiences are what make us, it is naive to think you can do away with your revelations and experiences and return to being a happy dappy child again.

Depression is the curse of a high IQ and philosophical mind.

The nervous system does repair, and you will feel again.

You have, somewhat unfortunately, stumbled accross a basic truth: there isn't actually any point of anything, certainly not emotions, beyond what we make of it. Over time, this will be enough for you. But now you know, unfortunately you can't un-know

After 15 years of dp and depression I turned from being an optimistic and bright kid into a dark, fatalistic and nihilistic man.

It's not all bad, if you can regain your sense of humour and irony. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore because of it and for some reason became a big hit with the ladies, lol.

Things will become comfortable again in time
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, honest truth is you probably won't feel exactly how you did about things before. These experiences are what make us, it is naive to think you can do away with your revelations and experiences and return to being a happy dappy child again.
Depression is the curse of a high IQ and philosophical mind.
The nervous system does repair, and you will feel again.
You have, somewhat unfortunately, stumbled accross a basic truth: there isn't actually any point of anything, certainly not emotions, beyond what we make of it. Over time, this will be enough for you. But now you know, unfortunately you can't un-know
After 15 years of dp and depression I turned from being an optimistic and bright kid into a dark, fatalistic and nihilistic man.
It's not all bad, if you can regain your sense of humour and irony. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore because of it and for some reason became a big hit with the ladies, lol.
Things will become comfortable again in time
Yeah, i agree with what your saying. I think im in the process of getting over this as i have moments where life seems significant, from a subjective view that is. I just hope my emotions are coming back.

Purpose and feelings are intertwined, but they're separate things. The former is logical, and the latter are experiential.
Here's an example of a purposeful, feelingless action: going to work despite not feeling up to it. Logically, you know not paying the bills has adverse consequences, so it's logical to sometimes go to work in spite of not feeling up to it.
Now, a purposeful, action that is full of feeling: saving money for when your child to goes college. You love your child, and that feeling primarily motivates you to save money for them.
And an action that is full of feeling, but purposeless goes like this: spontaneously breaking into dance when nobody is around. You don't have a logical reason for why you broke in to dance, but you apparently felt like doing so.
Sorry for the cliche examples. People claim emotions are the driving force behind all human actions because many purposeful actions taken in a relatively emotionless way are carried out because of an underlying emotional event from the past, or because of an anticipated emotional event in the future. For example, it's very logical to pay your bills on time, but some would argue that the potential feelings of loss and failure that would arise from being late on the payments are the real motivating factors.
I chose to use the word 'purpose' because it's more concise than the word 'meaning'. I'm not 100% sure what you're trying to say when they say 'meaning,' unless you provide more context.
What are you trying to communicate when you say, "I'm not sure why I don't think love means anything"?
"I cant tell if this is stemming from emotional numbness, or if the emotional numbness is being caused by these thoughts." They're probably causing one another at this point. Don't forget the role of behavior, either, and of environment.
My guess is, if you don't mind, the emotional numbness is troubling you more than the thoughts. Questions like, "What is love?" are experientially different for people who are in love, and for those who have been in love in the past. I guess you might still be pondering these questions of if you were experiencing love, but I assume the experience of questioning would be much different.
I'm not sure what to tell you about trying not to be numb, beside yourself, or in a "dark night of the soul." Lots of people say these issues can't be forced, and other people say it's essential you take action. Maybe the truth is somewhere in between. That's partially why I alluded to action without action, acting in a spontaneous way, in your previous thread.
Maybe people who say, "Love finds you when you're not looking for it," would concede that people do need to take some action towards finding love. I mean, you can't be totally paralyzed and expect results. The main point of that saying is probably to explain that love is spontaneous and can't be forced. For anything to bloom, conditions must first be satisfied, but we can't force anything to bloom.
Sorry for the long phone post. I just wanted to address your post thoroughly.
It seems like you're reaching the point of fully intellectualizing your situation, a common thing in depression and DP, which won't resolve it alone. Internal changes, behavioral changes, and environmental changes are what will fuel the ultimate first steps towards improvement. Also, when we really try at something, we come in contact with our limitations. It's important for us to be nurturing and kind to ourselves.
No need to apologize for going into depth, at least when talking to me cause i like to read in depth about these things and others advice and perspectives. I think what i mean when saying meaning is the significance of emotions and life. I keep using meaning and purpose interchangeably because right now, the line between the two is blurred. I think the emotional numbness is whats causing me more distress at this point because i think things SHOULD matter and i for some reason cant feel it.
Heres how it all starts. I think "what the purpose of my life?" Ill come up with my own answer like how i can do so.ething to help the planet but then it escalates to "well whats lifes purpose as a whole?" When i cant find that, then i feel that my own lifes purpose no longer seems valid.
I think im slowly seeing the significance of living again. Its just super difficult. What i need is to find the reason for why lifes worth living. I originally came to the conclusion that love and emotions were what made it worth living but it seems ive overthought those to death as well.
 
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