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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Im writing this sleep deprived so forgive me if this is incoherent in anyway.
I have been having the serious problem of not loving or caring about anyone i used to care about. My attachments have completely gone. I even contemplated asking google what the point of relationships even are. I remember i kept thinking how i went all this time for a year thinking there was no point to happiness or life and only just recently ive figured out to myself why life matters again and why suffering is bad but im still having issues with taking the responibility for my life. I dont even know what would make me happy anymore. I guess i want to be happy if i have to be here but i still to some degree dont want to even exist. Right now, these heavy thoughts are overwhelming me and im starting to feel dped again. I just...dont even feel the want to get better? Its almost like ive resigned to life but i feel obligated to stay alive. But i really dont want to. I also just feel resentful for even being born. Ive suffered way to much shit in my young life. And as far as i know, i didnt ask to be born. I have no gratitude inside anymore for being brought into this world. And whenever someone tells me to be grateful for being alive, i just want to tell them to fuck all the way off. My mother constantly says this and it makes me so angry. I dont feel love for anything, except maybe the contentment of a project or a videogame where im not thinking about myself or life as a whole. My relationships are suffering. Im barely communicating with my best friend. Me and my mom fight constantly. I know im letting everyone down but i just havent been able to find the energy or reason to get out of bed. I know i used to not feel like this. I used to feel grateful for being alive. I used to see the value of my own emotions and my relationships. Ive lost it all and idk if ill ever feel it again. Honestly, dp really fucked up my my mind, my life.
 

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I also have this super weird meta numbness happening where i know im suffering and also quite scared of certain thoughts or feelings but its more like im observing my fear rather than actually feeling it. I cant tell if this is a problem or not but this goes for every emotion too. Its even hard to tell if i am even experiancing anything at all or if its just habitual thought patterns at this point.
 

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You've got to start viewing your dp as a nervous system disorder. You don't feel emotions or attachment because your nervous system is currently shot. Mine is too, and i empathise with what you're saying, i suffer all these problems and more. But you need to view your body and mind in the same way a mechanic would view a faulty car: a few things are out of place, and it's just going to take some time to get back into balance.

As a side note: life isn't about being happy. When we're in dark times we have this sort of yearning to be happy but that's not what real life is like. It's about purpose. Once you find that again and know what you're doing, you'll feel great
 
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