Gimpy you said:
If gays start to adopt, they should be at the back of the list.
I know this is a hornet's nest and I didn't intend to kick it, but I did.
I realize we all have our own POVs on a lot of this stuff.
My only comment to this directly is there are MANY unwanted children who are sitting in foster care. Many are minority children, some have severe disabilities, a good number have AIDS. I can understand why many couples, gay or straight, would be afraid to take on such a responsibility.
I was very touched by a documentary I saw... forgot where... on a gay couple. One a pediatric nurse, the other a businessman of some sort. The nurse worked with sick children -- a good number with AIDS. They had been abandoned by their parents.
The senior phsycian on the ward was always in a quandry re: what to do with these children, and the nurse, (yes, he was openly gay) volunteered to take one child home, then another. The staff were always astounded that this gay couple would take on such a burden.
I believe in all they took home 5 children. I can't recall. It became a situation where the pediatric nurse stayed home, and his partner continued to be the breadwinner (and that is usually a situation I favor with heterosexual couples who raise children -- but then I was raised by a working mother who didn't give a hoot about me, and there are many exceptions to that -- so I guess I'm biased in that way. I also know in this day and age that isn't always practical financially.)
At any rate, they cared for these children for years. The first child they raised to be a teenager. I believe he is still HIV positive (the fault of his birthmother), but is healthy, an excellent student, a wonderful kid. The rest of the kids in that family (I believe over the years some came and went as they passed away) were happy, healthy, good kids who felt LOVED and WANTED.
The sad and miserable part of this story is, I believe this couple lived in Florida. After having custody of the oldest child (for ten or more years) they were told the children would have to be removed from the home for one reason -- they were gay. There is more to this re: Florida state law that I have forgotten. But bottom line, the state was ready to break up a HEALTHY loving family, take these kids away from the only parents they ever knew. The kids were miserable about it.
I believe the whole group moved to Oregon. I don't know where/how the case stands, but the couple continues to care for these children, as well as any heterosexual couple could, AND perhaps BETTER than many heterosexual couples. For goodness sake, one of their parents was a pediatric nurse! And he stayed home. He quit his job.
I wish I had more on the story. And someone correct me if the details are wrong. Oh, and none of the children "turned out gay."
But I was deeply touched by their story. It is unbelievable to me that
1. there are so many abandoned children in a seriously flawed foster care system
2. many couples and single parents are very hestitant to adobt sick children
3. yet, there are MANY gay couples who desperately want to adopt (as they can't have children themselves and prefer to adopt) and aren't allowed to. They can be often MORE QUALIFIED to adopt and are prohibited from it, and the children languish in the system.
Again this is a thorny issue, but something I am concerned about. I'll be honest, I'm less thrilled with single women choosing to have children alone. And someone will get angry with me at this bias, but I was the child of a single working woman, and got no love. NONE.
Again, I would take a loving accepting couple of ANY orientation that has a child's best interests at heart. And being heterosexual doesn't guarantee that at all.
I can understand your POV, but this is mine. And I don't intend this to turn into a gay argument. That will go nowehre fast, but it somehow popped up in this thread and I felt compelled to respond.
Gimpy, sometimes a gay couple may be the most qualified on a list to adopt. I don't believe they should be passed over. The definition of family has changed over the years. And again, I'm biased, as I had two wealthy heterosexual parents, both doctors, they split up early on, and was never loved.