Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Can anyone identify with what I experience intensely every single morning ? It happens soon after waking up or can wake up with it especially if I’ve dreamt the feeling which often happens. There’s a horrible searing feeling in the pit of my stomach of fear and dread which is connected to a feeling of complete absence of all normal thoughts, feelings and emotions and connectedness to my life. Like I’m stuck in a bizarre distorted version of my life or a nightmare. Like I’ve been stripped of my essence or self and all good emotions and there’s this awful awful feeling of emptiness, badness and fear. It almost has an evil quality to it and at times when it’s severe I’ve felt like I am actually evil. My mind then keeps flashing up images of memories one after the other from all different times of my life and each one triggers a surge of the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. It’s hard to describe but like a surge of something really bad like I’m remembering something awful and a feeling of unreality within myself mixed up with a de ja vu type feeling and a sensation like I’m coming to a terrible realisation about something. The memories aren’t bad but they feel horrific in a way that I struggle to properly understand or describe. Also memories of dreams I’ve had will occur. They will relentlessly keep coming for an hour or more til the point I feel like I’m going to vomit because the feeling in the pit of my stomach is so bad. Every thought I have causes a surge of this bad bad feeling. Everything feels so so horrific and abnormal. Just thinking of my children for example causes a terrible terrible surge of this bad feeling i can’t describe. Or thinking of something that happened the day before or plans for the day ahead. Everything causes this awful awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and a feeling so so awful that I can’t put into words but has a dreamlike or de ja vu quality to it. I can’t get in touch with normality at all and it’s terrifying. I have the same feelings throughout the day to a lesser extent but mornings are absolutely brutal. It feels like something horrific is happening to my brain or I’m having some kind of seizure.