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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was thinking about DR and how it is so closely related to panic attacks. I'm pretty sure that the DR triggers most of my anxiety attacks, maybe all of them. Although social anxiety is my diagnosis I question if DR started my social anxiety to begin with. What I mean is, if you can have panic disorder and panic when you are out, then start to avoid places where you panic because you are afraid it will happen again and it usually does because you fear it so much, then is it possible that social anxiety starts that way? Like you are around people and panic not because of fears of rejection, but because you were in that environment when the panic hit.

I believe that the fears of embarrassment and rejection and lack of confidence I have now is from the years of terrible social anxiety that I've had which lead to depression also, but I don't believe that social anxiety started as social anxiety for me, I remember fearing the anxiety would come back in social situations, I was not afraid of being embarrassed in social situations until I was 5, before that I was afraid of the anxiety in social situations, people did not scare me and I had anxiety in social situations a lot. But I totally remember the DR feelings before I had real social anxiety, I was not afraid of rejection I was afraid of the way everything looked when I panicked. I remember when I was 4 1/2 when I was around people, I'd start to feel unreal and then that would shut me up. I got shut up so many times by the unreal feelings/panic that I got self conscious from it. When I entered school at age 5 I remember that I lost total confidence in speaking, I remember when I went there for the first time before school started, it was an awfully unreal environment, there were so many fluorescent lights, I was accustomed to real day light most of the time, my parents brought me to work before I started school and the natural light made things real, at school it was like being taken inside a dark cave with poorly designed synthetic light, like I stepped into a new planet. And I remember feeling anxiety provoked in social situations when there were fluorescent lights only, my theory is that I feared talking only in the fluorescent lighted social situations, then it spread to other social situations and all of them. I still have the unreal feeling, and I've always had it when I'm in a fluorescent lit room, it doesn't matter if I'm in a social situation it's the same unreal feeling, it triggers a feeling of helplessness and 0 confidence because I've associated this unreal feeling to all social situations outside of a few people, if I get any slight thought that I have an unreal feeling I loose all of my confidence, I will feel completely helpless, and exactly like I did when I was at school.

I felt like I was being punished when I talked, the panic was a punishment, well if you're a kid and you keep getting terrible feelings then you will quit the activity that was making you feel bad so thats what I did, I quit, gave up talking, gave up feeling safe, because I thought I caused it when I talked, DR'll take the social confidence out of anyone under the right conditions.

This is important because I never feel like I am getting to the root of the problem when I try and help the social anxiety, DR has always been a huge part in it. If I know what it is I can try and help it, or at least reduce the fear of fear and the fear that everything is out of control.
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