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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello! :)
So my dpdr started 3 years ago, it is weed induced as my mind at one evening went into this state and persisted since.
I think it was laced with synthetic THC, but that is just a thought.

Since then, i always had extreme fear when interacting and talking with others, i cannot get a conversation going anymore.
I often felt like, especially in the beginning, that i had to pretend like i had a personality, because mine is litteraly gone, if that makes sense.
When going into social situations, my mind is blank, i just dont know how to interact anymore, eye contact is extremely difficult, everything in social interaction actually.
There is always this feeling of fear, and sometimes it spikes up, litteraly torturing me, it really is painful.
It feels like, im on a different frequency.
Though, when i was healthy, i had no Problems being myself, being funny and interacting with people.

I now come off weird (obviously),
This lead to me having to quit my job and trying to recover since, because this overflooding emotions is way too painful to handle.

Apart from the social stuff, is that my thoughts are intrusive, racing and its hard to stay in the moment, it feels like, getting/being crazy.
Like losing not only your personality, but also the ability to even control your thoughts, like you dont have inner resistance.

Iam also depressed, as this stuff is really hard to handle.

What i also experience, is that i often feel like i or my thoughts are like a 10 year old, iam deeply vulnerable, it feels like that my natural psychic barriers/shields are not there anymore.

As it all began, i still went to my apprenticeship and finished it (in germany, you have different jobs you can choose from and learn them in a span of 2,5 - 3,5 years)
This was a very difficult thing to handle, i couldnt talk with my classmates anymore, i've been a different Person ever since.
I sat in class, my eyes ripped open and fullfilled with fear, with questionmarks above my head, not knowing how to interact anymore.
It felt and feels like iam in hell.


I really want to recover, but its hard when this stuff hits like this.

Anyone else same experiences?
 

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Hello,

Welcome to the forum :)

It sounds like you have a classic case of weed induced depersonalization. Take a look around the Recovery Stories section, I'm sure you'll find relation and possible relief as well as some great tips and life advice there. Stay strong and remember that anybody not going through this would have just as much difficulty living that we do. Also, in most cases, recovery is a gradual process. So take pride in changes that happen over the course of months, years. You're probably already much stronger than you were say, last year around this time. Cheers! May you find peace of mind :)
 
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