[Amethysteyes]

Hello all, my last post on here i think was a year ago. After that was the turning point from being dpdred to extreme depression. The only things that remain is an increased awareness of my life and existential ruminations.
My dp/dr began because of the feeling that nothing around me seemed real. I also had a sense i was not the person i had the memorys of. (This of course went away with time as i realized that those things are all ive ever known and would have to be me) however, i often feared i was dreaming, in a coma, etc...
My problem now is a complete collapse of any perceived meaning for life. I realize i am living but my life does not mean anything. Existence itself appears to be absurd and lacks any conceivable reason for being here. Ive contemplated the question "whys there something rather than nothing" to the point of insanity. I cant see value for anything life offers. Any conceivable concept that comes to mind is ultimately tossed out again because the reasons only come from a MIND and if mind has no reason to exist existentially, why should it exist at all? Sorry, this is a very heavy topic. This is just ruining me...

 

[AnnaGiulia]

@Amethysteyes, I am sorry that you feel that way. I read your other post too, where you also mention the loss of meaning of relationships in your life. When you feel like this, it can be exhausting to keep relationships going on, especially if you were the one who was on the giving end for most part. However, we do need other people, as we need to be understood and heard. I guess that is what the human contact is about.

From what you said, your experience with depression seems acute, and I hope that you will seek help, unless you are already in therapy. That is how depression felt to me too, when I had it, as an absence of any meaning or motivation. But it can and will get better.

It also seems as if your thoughts are racing, and it can happen with DPDR, when you start asking yourself so many existential questions, because you keep perceiving yourself and everything around you from a distance. Perhaps you could benefit from some grounding techniques, basically anything that works for you to connect you to your surrounding.