[Justiner0se]

hi my names justine I’m 23 I have been struggling with dpdr since I was 15. It all started after a bad trip from smoking too much weed out of a bong. I woke up the next morning and I felt that I died and I was in some after life/coma. It feels like I can’t even recognize my own family. I’m talking out of my body 24/7. I can’t sit down with my family or go to family events because I get panic attacks of how they look and how my surroundings look. Sadly to say this feeling has not gone away in 7 years now. I never snapped out of it. I feel it’s Permanent. I thought for so long something was wrong with my brain and that there’s no way this can be mental. I saw a neurologist that Did testing of my brain and they found nothing. I’ve had ct scans, mris, various amounts of blood work and nothing shows. I also struggle with severe panic attacks, ocd, and health anxiety too. I’m scared I’m stuck this way. I don’t even remember what it feels like to feel alive and normal Does anyone else experience it 24/7 too? And what has helped you? I was on pristiq for 2 years and omg it was my miracle drug. It made me be able to live my life and feel so more more comfortable. Lessened the Derealzation and anxiety. Unfortunately it stopped working for me and nothings helped since. I highly recommend pristiq for anyone wanting to try a med for their dpdr. Only downside is Withdrawals weaning off it are TERRIBLE.

 

[Chip1021]

Hey there, Justine!

Many of us here have this 24/7 for years on end, so you are in “good” company. I had a similar experience as yours. Weed was one of my first DP “triggers” but other events and situations in my life were perhaps more significant, most notably when I went to study in Paris during college (I am an American). I also struggle with family and social events greatly due to the visual distortions, cognitive problems and it just usually makes me super depressed and anxious hearing other people leading their “normal” lives, having their “normal” experiences while I’ve spent the last 20 years spaced out of my mind.

Early in my experience I did find some help with a drug too, ADDerall, which mostly helped me to become more cognizant of my surroundings and gave me more sustained directed energy toward my school and work which what’s very helpful in distracting me (CNS stimulants will kind of do that for you). But, like you, it was no cure and eventually it became ineffective.

I had to research Pristiq for myself; it is an SNRI, which is not usually a first class anti-depressant. My understanding is that some of the older classes of drugs that worked not just on serotonin but also norepinephrine and dopamine were a lot more noticeably effective in the short term with depression and other “mental symptoms,” but they were also more destructive, especially in the long term. Unfortunately, that’s kind of the nature of all so-called “mind altering drugs.” Those that actually work the best also tend to destroy more.

I wish I had answers for you, but as I have not found them for myself, I cannot offer much constructive advice. I just thought I’d make some observations about your situation based on my own understanding and experience that may or may not be helpful in your own journey.

 

[NoDevils]

I believe recovery is possible for everyone but we face varying degrees of difficulty getting there. Some people's depersonalization is caused by an identifiable medical condition like epilepsy or tumor, and it sounds like you've done your due diligence in that area. Most people's symptoms lessen over time though a minority of people's stay the same or get worse. The people who recover the most have a tendency to move on from depersonalization forums.

 

[leminaseri]

I believe recovery is possible for everyone but we face varying degrees of difficulty getting there. Some people's depersonalization is caused by an identifiable medical condition like epilepsy or tumor, and it sounds like you've done your due diligence in that area. Most people's symptoms lessen over time though a minority of people's stay the same or get worse. The people who recover the most have a tendency to move on from depersonalization forums.

someone said to me i wont get better

 

[NoDevils]

someone said to me i wont get better

I hope it wasn't me who said that. There's no way to know the future for certain. Every day is hard for us, going to work or college while having this syndrome. The consequences for permanently giving up on recovery can also be dire. But everyone has to choose their own path.

Do you feel your symptoms have lessened since the initial onset?

 

[Peter]

I believe recovery is possible for everyone but we face varying degrees of difficulty getting there. Some people's depersonalization is caused by an identifiable medical condition like epilepsy or tumor, and it sounds like you've done your due diligence in that area. Most people's symptoms lessen over time though a minority of people's stay the same or get worse. The people who recover the most have a tendency to move on from depersonalization forums.

In my opinion this attitude is a central problem of the depersonalization community, because...

1. ...it's simply not true. If recovery was possible for everyone most cases series on depersonalization disorder wouldn't consist of samples with a mean disease duration of about 15 years.
2. ...it prompts sufferers to look for internal causes for the persistence of their symptoms even though there are none or they cannot be fixed, while preventing sufferers from pursuing to combat the external causes that keeps depersonalization running, which is the ignorance of psychiatrists.

The consequences for permanently giving up on recovery can also be dire.

Actually it is not giving up on recovery in a strict sense, but a different path to recovery.

someone said to me i wont get better

Unfortunately this is a realistic prospect. So wouldn't it be a good idea to attack the one's who should be fixing the problem and instead turn a blind eye on it?

 

[NoDevils]

In my opinion this attitude is a central problem of the depersonalization community, because...

1. ...it's simply not true. If recovery was possible for everyone most cases series on depersonalization disorder wouldn't consist of samples with a mean disease duration of about 15 years.
2. ...it prompts sufferers to look for internal causes for the persistence of their symptoms even though there are none or they cannot be fixed, while preventing sufferers from pursuing to combat the external causes that keeps depersonalization running, which is the ignorance of psychiatrists.



Actually it is not giving up on recovery in a strict sense, but a different path to recovery.



Unfortunately this is a realistic prospect. So wouldn't it be a good idea to attack the one's who should be fixing the problem and instead turn a blind eye on it?

This is an example of stereotypy, saying we must be totally resigned to the condition and believed to have it forever or constantly probing and beating ourselves up for it in an attempt to rid ourselves of it. In most cases neither of these are good, though to each their own. I suspect the brain is wired for this type of thinking. The truth is recovery is a possibility, not a guarantee, and recovery from chronic depersonalization rarely presents itself as an all or nothing thing like, "I'm 100% better now." There are DPSH users who've claimed to be 100% better but they aren't the most prevalent type of user.

 

[leminaseri]

I hope it wasn't me who said that.

no, no.

the one who said that already joined the discussion on here

Do you feel your symptoms have lessened since the initial onset?

thats the problematic thing to pinpoint for me. my initial onset was at 2011. i had have that with gradually getting better until 2014 maybe 2015 until i noticed it vanished completely. after several years, without even getting the term dpdr in my mind i got a bad depression and got pure o about getting psychotic with horrible panic attacks and the dpdr came again. since then (2020) i have gotten very slightly better. i can at least do everything what normal people would do even though it requires a lot more effort.

thanks for asking 🙏🏻

 

[NoDevils]

Some people use the Cambridge Depersonalization Scale to measure the intensity of their symptoms. I feel my depersonalization is persisting at about 30% intensity, which is common if I recall correctly. Personally I wouldn't use the scale unless you feel bad.

Leminaseri, congrats on making a recovery and best of luck to you. I also have depression and anxiety. Sometimes I worry about going psychotic or having a neurological disease. I also wondered if I was living in a dream or if God was angry at me. I've come to realize perseverating on these possibilities accomplishes nothing. They're okay to think about to a limited extent and to productive ends.

 

[leminaseri]

Some people use the Cambridge Depersonalization Scale to measure the intensity of their symptoms. I feel my depersonalization is persisting at about 30% intensity, which is common if I recall correctly. Personally I wouldn't use the scale unless you feel bad.

Leminaseri, congrats on making a recovery and best of luck to you. I also have depression and anxiety. Sometimes I worry about going psychotic or having a neurological disease. I also wondered if I was living in a dream or if God was angry at me. I've come to realize perseverating on these possibilities accomplishes nothing. They're okay to think about to a limited extent and to productive ends.

thanks, all the best wishes from my side too.

i had have such thoughts on occasion. i felt the meaning of humanbeing vanished. it was very strange. the fear of becoming psychotic was the non plus ultra for me. i can remember those dark days as it was yesterday. every fucking notion and event in my environment felt like a schizophrenia axe what was throwen at me. i had have like a panic attack what lasted constantly for 6 months. all of my muscles were so strained and tensed i couldnt even move properly.

weird thing is, my anxiety about all of that disappeared gradually, without even internalizing the cognitive stuff. maybe it was due to the zoloft what im still taking.

 

[NoDevils]

thanks, all the best wishes from my side too.

i had have such thoughts on occasion. i felt the meaning of humanbeing vanished. it was very strange. the fear of becoming psychotic was the non plus ultra for me. i can remember those dark days as it was yesterday. every fucking notion and event in my environment felt like a schizophrenia axe what was throwen at me. i had have like a panic attack what lasted constantly for 6 months. all of my muscles were so strained and tensed i couldnt even move properly.

weird thing is, my anxiety about all of that disappeared gradually, without even internalizing the cognitive stuff. maybe it was due to the zoloft what im still taking.

Yes. At the height of my anxiety I had to sit on my leg to get it to stop stimming otherwise it would become sore. Fortunately that only lasted for a few hours. There were a whole variety of medicines that could've helped with that but I was alone in my room without relevant medicines. I wonder if it would've gotten better if I tried a breathing exercise. Sometimes mental illness has us where we can't or won't do the things we know are healing.