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I have been dealing with DP/DR for about 3 years now, and thankfully it has definitely become more manageable and over the past year and a half or so, I hadn't thought about it every second of the day like I used to when it first started. However; there is always the underlying brain fog and confusion with reality and the past few weeks have definiftely been harder. It is really so difficult to deal with because it just heightens my depression to no end, and I have such a hard time feeling motivated and lately it has been interfering with my job. I sometimes have to stop talking to people because I literally can't think. I have to leave the room because my mind is so fogged and it just feels like my brain is a big cotton ball.

Thankfully, the worst part is over, though. In 2015 was the absolute worst time; multiple times I literally had to hold on to a chair or a piece of furniture to prevent what felt like my soul slipping out of my body. It was probably the worst year of my life and it was right when I was graduating high school and heading to college. I saw doctors and was tested for vitamin deficiencies and nothing ever came up. It just felt like I was leaving my body every night when I went to sleep, and when I woke up, my soul would never fully come back into my body, and I was constantly in some kind of "dream mode". My best friend has also suffered with DP/DR so when it started happening, thankfully she was there and understood exactly what I was going through. Lately, it's gotten worse again and I am so scared that it's going to come back around as strong as it was the first time.

It seems like whenever I don't get enough sleep or whenever I drink a bit too much alcohol, the DP/DR is so much stronger. It feels like I am stuck in some other dimension and my body is in this dimension. Even thinking about it scares the living hell out of me. I have to remind myself whenever I feel it happening of things that make me think about this physical reality. I tell myself that I have a job, and a bed, and I have a pet, and plants are things that come from the ground, and I eat food, and I have hobbies, etc. I know it sounds super weird and doesn't make sense, but it just helps me stay grounded in this physical reality. It helps me come back to this simple, materialistic world, even though I know there is so much more than just this. It's just too terrifying to think about what else exists outside of this physical world because then I get sucked into this feeling of my soul leaving my body and going to some other dimension.

It was really good for a while and now I'm just scared its going to get bad again. I try to keep myself as occupied as possible and as grounded as possible to avoid this feeling of getting lost in another reality. My perception of reality is constantly inverting and I find myself questioning my entire life so often. I used to love delving into philosophical conversations, but lately it just terrifies me more than anything because I lose my grip on this physical reality. There is a lot of change happening in my life right now and I also think that is a big reason why I'm having these relapses. I am very scared for the future and just hope that this isn't going to be taking over my life again.
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