[Thescamp]

Hello everybody. I am on the road to recovery. I have passed all those unreal expiriences. Survived them. But it is like in these 5-6 months i have been a different person. In the good way. It was like if the anxiety and the feel of unreality was over i would be the man who i want to be. Happily it ended. But also my feeling of confidence, inside power, seeing the world from the top is over. I have constant identity changes now. I get easily scared and desperate. I have to remind my self who I am, what have I expirienced, and what I bacame - stronger and better person. I have to remind myself that i have inner power, have a voice and opinion .

Two nights ago i was feeling empty. Like noone. My memories of myself were distant and foggy. You can add an anxiety to the acquison. It is like my memory timeline is cut in pieces. What i felt enjoyable, what my behaviour was and how I was expresing myself by it couple of weeks ago is vanished. It is gone. Now if I take 15-20 min to remember who i am what i was doing in the past months, what have i survived, the feeling of self will come, but it is unstable and fluctuate.

Tell me please, do you think that is part of DP/DR or something else ? Will that go away.

Also Before DR/Dp striked, i was trying to change my negative self. To change and be a better person. My mind was foggy during my student years. And at the moment where I almost reached what i was looking for i start getting panic attacks. Soon after after a break with girlfriend my anxiety got extremly high and boom- DR.

I dont know what to believe anymore. Can someone relate?

 

[Thescamp]

Just to add something - i feel now like my old self. I think i prefered beeing DR-ed rather than be noone with low self-confidence and unclear mind ( i was like that during my student years).

 

[marry1985]

It's nice to know you feel like your old self. I just can't figure out how is it to be me, the old me..You gave me hope.

 

[Thescamp]

I know it sounds good. But I hate my old self. Probably that is where DP kicked on from. I do not know but when i was extremly derealised, my mind was working better. I mean I was able to speak smart, retrieve memories of knowledge, be more focused and confident. I was feeling numb and I was having suicidal thoughts, and thought that if this shit does not end i will eventually die of a heart attack due to the high anxiety i was having.

I don't know, it appears to me that anxiety is still there but it shows in different shapes. Like through DP/DR, Brainfog,panic attacks, social fobia.