Joined
·
25 Posts
DP is a dissociative disorder, which means, I believe, dissociation from the body. I believe, based on my experience, that this sort of disembodiment leaves the body in a state of weakness that has in my case resulted in enormous physical problems. I would like to describe these and ask if anyone else here has experienced anything like this.
I have always had a tendency to dissociate from my body, and this became a serious problem since the onset of puberty and especially adulthood. At age 18 I began to have back problems. These began as extreme tightness in my shoulders and gradually worked down over the next few years until I was having pain in my lower back. Several years later, I had my dp-inducing LSD trip. After that I noticed, besides all the common symptoms of DP, distinct abnormalities in my relationship with my body. For example, you know how the more someone is grounded in their body, the more solidly they stand upon the ground and the harder it is to push or pull them off their feet? Well, after the DP set in I seemed to have practically none of that rootedness to the earth, and it became extremely easy for someone to jerk me off my feet. I had previously skied occasionally, and when I went skiing after the DP onset, I had a lot of trouble doing it because I seemed to exert not enough weight upon the ground. Unless the ground was distinctly sloped, it was hard for me to move forward.
After two years of DP I suffered a back injury; I wrenched my lower back. This seems to have resulted in a sort of collapse of the muscles of my buttocks and to compensate, the muscles in my hips and upper thighs became extraordinarily tight. The horrible feelings that this engendered were unbelievable. It felt like my buttocks were "disappearing"; that's the only way I can describe it. They became extremely sensitive to the touch, so that it became distinctly uncomfortable for me to wear pants. This whole syndrome did not heal but got worse as time went on, and I was able to do less and less with my back without putting it into spasm. My mind played a large role in this, as my fears regarding my back grew. This was truly a mind-body problem; my thinking about my back, my fears and expectations of injury that grew over time contributed to my physical symptoms getting worse. Eventually I became practically an invalid;I could hardly do anything physical and had to spend a great deal of my time lying down. This went on for two years until someone gave me a book that educated me to this mind-body problem and got me back on my feet.
Immedeately after I got back on my feet, I began to have problems with eating. This was in conjuction with some new events in my life which included a new diet and eating environment, both of which were very stressful. I began to have trouble swallowing food normally--it wasn't breaking down in my mouth enough. This led to digestive problems and eventually a full-blown eating disorder of sorts--not anorexia or bulimia, but a syndrome as unusual and strange as my back problem. I won't describe it further here, but I can do so if anyone is interested.
I think both of these problems are DP-related, in that the disembodiment that DP causes leaves my body in a state of weakness, and the areas that are genetically most weak have developed these strange problems. Not being sufficiently embodied in my lower back throughout my life has meant that not enough energy has gone to that area, which led to disuse atrophy in my buttock muscles. Normal physical activity has put a great deal of strain there, making it more and more weak. The disembodiment brought on by DP made this much worse, until finally the injury resulted in a muscular collapse in that area. That's my take on it, although I doubt the average MD would agree with it.
Have any of you here experienced any physical or mind-body problems since the onset of your DP? I would greatly appreciate hearing about them. I can hardly believe that my situation is totally unique, but, though it's been quite some time since I have been active in this forum, I haven't read any posts mentioning such problems in the past.
I have always had a tendency to dissociate from my body, and this became a serious problem since the onset of puberty and especially adulthood. At age 18 I began to have back problems. These began as extreme tightness in my shoulders and gradually worked down over the next few years until I was having pain in my lower back. Several years later, I had my dp-inducing LSD trip. After that I noticed, besides all the common symptoms of DP, distinct abnormalities in my relationship with my body. For example, you know how the more someone is grounded in their body, the more solidly they stand upon the ground and the harder it is to push or pull them off their feet? Well, after the DP set in I seemed to have practically none of that rootedness to the earth, and it became extremely easy for someone to jerk me off my feet. I had previously skied occasionally, and when I went skiing after the DP onset, I had a lot of trouble doing it because I seemed to exert not enough weight upon the ground. Unless the ground was distinctly sloped, it was hard for me to move forward.
After two years of DP I suffered a back injury; I wrenched my lower back. This seems to have resulted in a sort of collapse of the muscles of my buttocks and to compensate, the muscles in my hips and upper thighs became extraordinarily tight. The horrible feelings that this engendered were unbelievable. It felt like my buttocks were "disappearing"; that's the only way I can describe it. They became extremely sensitive to the touch, so that it became distinctly uncomfortable for me to wear pants. This whole syndrome did not heal but got worse as time went on, and I was able to do less and less with my back without putting it into spasm. My mind played a large role in this, as my fears regarding my back grew. This was truly a mind-body problem; my thinking about my back, my fears and expectations of injury that grew over time contributed to my physical symptoms getting worse. Eventually I became practically an invalid;I could hardly do anything physical and had to spend a great deal of my time lying down. This went on for two years until someone gave me a book that educated me to this mind-body problem and got me back on my feet.
Immedeately after I got back on my feet, I began to have problems with eating. This was in conjuction with some new events in my life which included a new diet and eating environment, both of which were very stressful. I began to have trouble swallowing food normally--it wasn't breaking down in my mouth enough. This led to digestive problems and eventually a full-blown eating disorder of sorts--not anorexia or bulimia, but a syndrome as unusual and strange as my back problem. I won't describe it further here, but I can do so if anyone is interested.
I think both of these problems are DP-related, in that the disembodiment that DP causes leaves my body in a state of weakness, and the areas that are genetically most weak have developed these strange problems. Not being sufficiently embodied in my lower back throughout my life has meant that not enough energy has gone to that area, which led to disuse atrophy in my buttock muscles. Normal physical activity has put a great deal of strain there, making it more and more weak. The disembodiment brought on by DP made this much worse, until finally the injury resulted in a muscular collapse in that area. That's my take on it, although I doubt the average MD would agree with it.
Have any of you here experienced any physical or mind-body problems since the onset of your DP? I would greatly appreciate hearing about them. I can hardly believe that my situation is totally unique, but, though it's been quite some time since I have been active in this forum, I haven't read any posts mentioning such problems in the past.
