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Lol guess what.

I just bought the DP Manual in a moment of extreme weakness. I'm just so sick of this shit--I'll try anything. So, now I've got this lovely Irish dude talking in my ear about it for $40. Had to pay an extra $40 on top of that just to unzip the file. If anyone's curious, I'll update y'all on how this goes. If anything, it's been relatable so far, which is kinda nice. Has anyone bought the DP Manual? If so, what was your experience?

And yeah yeah, I know there's a taboo with talking about the DP Manual on this site. Judge if you want to. But, as I said, I'd stick my head in a hole in the ground and count to ten if someone said it would help.

I know I haven't been very active on the forum lately; I'm sorry if I haven't been returning messages. I tried, for a bit, to do that thing that everyone says to do but can't actually employ: ignore it and move on. But, fuck, that's impossible. I get what y'all are saying, but it's impossible. This has ruined my life; how can I not dwell on it?

I figure that I'll also take this post to update on my symptoms, medications, and doctor's visits. They've evolved somewhat.

-Constant and debilitating head pressure (temples, sometimes sinus)
-Constant and debilitating brain fog/impaired cognition/memory loss (inability to concentrate, can't find words, forget where I am or what I'm doing)
-Insomnia (I didn't sleep for three days straight)
-Complete personality change (cry all the time, numbness, can't connect to others, inability to feel joy)
-Light/sound sensitivity
-Distorted perception of time
-Agoraphobic tendencies
-Obsessive thoughts (hypochondriasis/constantly Googling symptoms and self-diagnosing, suicidal ideations)
-Lagging Vision/High Vision
-Oral thrush/rash (I think this is from antibiotics, but my doc put me on Fluconazole (Generic: Diflucan--an antifungal). This, of course, sent me down the candida rabbit hole)

I was on Lamotrigine (Generic: Lamictal) at the beginning of the month, but it gave me a weirdass flaky-face-skin reaction, so my psych said to stop it. He put me on Mirtazapine (Generic: Remeron) instead, which I've been on before. I know that DPDR forums speak highly of Lamotrigine, so I was bummed to stop taking it. He put me on Lamotrigine for the DPDR, but also for my head pain as its an anti-epileptic. He put me on Mirtazapine to treat my relentless insomnia, depression, and lack of appetite. I can't tell if my obsessive and suicidal thoughts have increased or plateaued; it's hard to quantify.

Ehhhhhhh I was gonna talk about my doctors visits, and the thousands of specialists I've seen, but it's just a sad, big number. I've had all the tests run. My doctors are hella dismissive, and I guess they have a right to be. I'm just still skeptical of this being rooted in something physical/biological, because my head pain is so constant and horrible... It's hard to accept DP.

WELP, this was longer than I expected. Sorry for the rambling, but I'm gonna blame it on my brain fog. What about you--any thoughts on any of this junk?
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