Heya Sports Dude,
I found relation in a lot of your post. Firstly, I also got into a career that turned out to be ultimately not for me. And that was Massage Therapy. I eventually came to the conclusion that, in fact, I was the one needing the massage, (for grounding in the body healing), and not be the one to give that service. Also my back went out which is common in that field. All in all I worked at a Clinical Spa for 2.5 years. I quit working there just when the pandemic was beginning. I didn't work again until December 2021, where I still work now at a Local Health Food Market. It's been great tbh, I may not have full time and of course with the wages these days... one can't really be entirely independent financially. But yeah, I feel the Universe or God has put me on this path, too.
I also have loss of train of thought more often than I'd like. I just kinda... make up some shit off the cuff, and shrug it off. Also, nobody is going to judge you worthy of some kind of penalty, fine or punishment for forgetting words. In fact, I'd go as far to say that it's becoming more common for everyone, with all the screen time, social media and what not. Your cousin isn't going to remember you saying the phrase "getting clowned" in a year from now... (which I actually find is an appropriate phrase to replace 'humiliated").
Anyway, those of us with dissociation are experiencing symptoms that not many can really relate too. And it's very frustrating to say the least, when you want to be your best self, but others only get to witness outwardly our struggles to fit in to society. Maybe some day they'll know, and they'll go "Wow bro, I can't believe you managed to carry on like that."
Hoping for some sense of peace for you and everyone going through this hell.
I'm on 19+ years now, and making huge progress recently.
I found relation in a lot of your post. Firstly, I also got into a career that turned out to be ultimately not for me. And that was Massage Therapy. I eventually came to the conclusion that, in fact, I was the one needing the massage, (for grounding in the body healing), and not be the one to give that service. Also my back went out which is common in that field. All in all I worked at a Clinical Spa for 2.5 years. I quit working there just when the pandemic was beginning. I didn't work again until December 2021, where I still work now at a Local Health Food Market. It's been great tbh, I may not have full time and of course with the wages these days... one can't really be entirely independent financially. But yeah, I feel the Universe or God has put me on this path, too.
I also have loss of train of thought more often than I'd like. I just kinda... make up some shit off the cuff, and shrug it off. Also, nobody is going to judge you worthy of some kind of penalty, fine or punishment for forgetting words. In fact, I'd go as far to say that it's becoming more common for everyone, with all the screen time, social media and what not. Your cousin isn't going to remember you saying the phrase "getting clowned" in a year from now... (which I actually find is an appropriate phrase to replace 'humiliated").
Anyway, those of us with dissociation are experiencing symptoms that not many can really relate too. And it's very frustrating to say the least, when you want to be your best self, but others only get to witness outwardly our struggles to fit in to society. Maybe some day they'll know, and they'll go "Wow bro, I can't believe you managed to carry on like that."
Hoping for some sense of peace for you and everyone going through this hell.
I'm on 19+ years now, and making huge progress recently.
