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DP is the worst condition ever affecting the mind - and I clearly consider it to be a mental illness because of its tragic consequences

1151 Views 9 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  Nadosa
I am stuck in like an insane reality atm, the only way out seems to be suicide. But suicide was NEVER EVER on my mind before, not even when I experienced severe anxiety and panic attacks earlier this year.

So basically I recovered from Depersonalization this year...but as the symptoms slowly vanished, I still battled irrational thoughts from day to day when suddenly my mind switched to: ur life is over.

I was overwhelmed, suddenly paranoid of time, feeling like I shouldnt be here anymore. This feels like I shouldnt be alive anymore, like I shouldnt have lived past August and should be dead until August. It just feels like it is wrong to be alive, when I go to the hairdresser for example, my mind goes like this: You are dead inside, you died, you dont need to do this, you are trapped in hell, you shouldve killed yourself as I told you!

When I look in the mirror: "Why are u still alive?"


When u have Derealization, u are alienated from your surroundings, my mind is still conditioned from it. First thoughts like: Is this really your hometown as you knew it?

Or much worse: How do I know I am not dead? Or I didnt die when DP hit me?

There is no answer to this, and it freaks me out, maybe I am destined to suicide or so?

Then the time thing, I am anxious of the date and like my mind cant cope with the time passing so fast, I really cant explain it.

In August, there was a switch in my mind, on the first of August, I was laying in bed and suddenly the thought "suicide could be my destiny" popped up and made me unable to sleep. But it was much more painful than anxiety as I knew it back then with DP...AND THIS IS WHAT SCARES ME. I THINK THOSE THOUGHTS ARENT ANXIETY RELATED BUT DEPRESSION.

I feel like I will never recover from this, it feels like I am trapped and thinking that theres soon a "2018" on the calendar triggers like a hopelessness, painful, suicidal feeling! :(

I FEEL SO ALONE. I am 19, I dont really want to end this in suicide, but srsly my mind sees no way out.

Everything what helped DP to vanish, exercising, meditation, does not help anymore at all, but makes it worse. It feels like my destiny, everything is playing against me atm.

Peace out.
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We are not our thoughts.

We are not our disease.

There was a popular book called Brain Lock, I think that's the book that contained a phrase you can use when incurring such thoughts: "That's not me, it's my OCD."

A lot of people experience totally irrational thoughts.

Elizabeth Gilbert, extremely successful bestseller of Eat, Pray, Love, confessed that when she was writing the book, a thought of "You suck" kept coming into her head, like her brain telling her to stop writing. She kept writing and the book is one of the best sellers of this century.

So, usually the disease will choose those with the greatest ability. The fact that your mind is telling you how much you should die is testament to how much you should LIVE, how much you actually have to offer the world and you are totally unaware of it.

Christian lore says that the Devil targets those who are capable of bringing the greatest good to the world. So if you are Christian, or even if you are not, you can interpret this as: You actually have a very, very strong reason to live and a very high purpose. And it (obsession, disease, the devil as some would like to believe) knows this and doesn't want you to recover and succeed.

OCD is kind of like a virus that depends on its host. If you combat the thoughs, the OCD will have nothing to feed off of...and die. Your disease is fighting to live and drag you down with it!

I would recommend reading Brain Lock.
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