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God, what else can I say?

I've been struggling with this for a couple weeks now but it's total crap. I literally only want to play sports, draw, read, and write but no. This shit came to me. It doesn't help that I live in America and I'm constantly afraid of what's going to happen; hopefully something good but I keep thinking of the worse.

This all started to happen since last year I went through some super hard times with depression and it didn't help that I was constantly stuck in a fantasy in my mind. Last year I was betrayed by teachers and etc. It was just a whole pile of crap and effects me to this day because I've became numb.

Just to wrap this up, I'm trying to shake this off and stay strong. God is by my side and he'll guide the way, but right now I'm so lost I keep going down in the ditch. I want to get out of this, and so that's why I came here. To receive support without being called crazy or anything.

Feel free to message me, I would love to talk to someone so I can get out of this.
 

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My therapist and I were working today and I realized that everything-I mean EVERYTHING-that was going "wrong" in my life was a fantasy in my own mind. It was really weird. I don't know if this helps or confuses but it was a bit shocking to uncover. Still processing. Not crazy-just believing IN the crazy.
 
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