[DJJ]

Hi there. This isn't my first post here however my last post was approximately 13 years ago under the user name danjames4.

It all started when I was 15. Was at my friends house for the night and we found a bag of weed and pipe in his sisters room. We went down the street and smoked a couple of puffs and got paranoid when we thought a car was coming. There was no car. All was good until we went up to his room and decided to eat a little bit. Well. I got super messed up and couldn't stop brushing my teeth and wanted to go to the hospital. I didn't go to the hospital and ended up falling asleep. I awoke in the morning feeling weird in a "daze". The feeling went away and was fine until the next day. I was in a rugby game and in the middle of the game it hit me again. I was super out of it and didn't really know where I was. The feeling subsided by the end of the game and I was fine for the rest of the day. The next morning I got up went downstairs and snapped into this "alternate reality" And has my first and only major panic attack. Called my mom to pick me up and take me to the clinic as I thought I was having a heart attack. The doctor prescribed me a Benzo "I believe" and sent me on my way. I felt like I was in a dream. Zombie like. I went to a little bit of therapy and was on clonazapam for approximately 7 years .5 a day. Thing we're good. Manageable. Until November 10th 2017. I went out to a local overnight fishing derby. 2 night 3 day event. The first night we got there and started drinking beers had about 10 or so... then later some popcorn came out being dumb and drunk I either thought I could handle it or I unknowingly ate handfuls of the stuff. And was fine not knowing that edibles can take hours to kick in. I went to bed feeling fine at around 10ish. However. At about 430-5 am I awoke and was super panicked/paranoid. I had to get out of the camper I was sleeping in. Barely being able to put on my slip on shoes. I managed to stumble to the washroom. 100 m walk or so. However on the way I felt like time was skipping like I would be conscious for 2 seconds black out for 5 seconds (very weird feeling). I threw up once reaching the bathroom. Went to the bathroom and then walked around outside for a bit and managed to get myself back in the camper and tried to fall asleep. I couldn't and started almost manual breathing. Started to panic more and this is when things got messed up. My conscious started to fade. All my thoughts started to seem distant and my vision started to fade as well. This is when my fishing partner awoke and asked "what is wrong". I told him "I think I'm f'ing dieing" he said "no you're not". At this time I could only think of my wife and our cat???? as I thought it was the end... then as it got completely black I hit my chest super hard (not sure why) and broke out of the camper door. Where I realized I wasn't dead... I got put back to bed and I was ok. I awoke 2 hours later a little embarrassed and confused. Not even noticing the strange feeling that overcame me. I went out fishing feeling hungover and "messed up". The weekend passed and got home and my wife realized something wasn't right with me and I broke down crying. The next 3 months were absolute hell. I couldn't be left by myself. Many doctors visits was put on a plathura Of meds. Couldn't get in to see a psychiatrist for 2 months(I live in Canada). I had suicidal thoughts, violent thoughts, everything seemed unfamiliar. Even my house... I lost all feelings for my wife my animals and my family. It's literally hell on earth. I took stress-leave from work for 3 months. But staying home was almost worse. Now I am here. The last 51/2 months have passed by in a blink of an eye for me. Here some of my symptoms in no particular order
-Time is majorly distorted
- My brain cannot compute once familiar things ie. the sky, my hometown, my house etc
-I get weird sinus pressure/pain
-when I focus on my breathing (nose) it feels like my conscious is shifting it kinda hurts my eyes.
-feeling of homesick even when you're home
- very emotional. Breakdowns
- memory is lacking (I'm a plumber and when I got out of the crawl space the other day I couldn't remember where I was)
-very over sensitive (couldn't hurt a fly)
-can never explain how I am feeling.
-huge sense of dredd and that I'll never be healthy again.
-Dream recall (old dreams randomly pop into my head and sometimes old memories)
-very hard time grounding myself. Can't feel my feet on the ground (almost like I am stuck in my head)
-random muscle twitches
-random feelings of anger/rage

Things I have tried

Escitalapram
Abilify
Adderdall
Clonazapam
Ativan
Bispirdal
Clomipramine
Cipralex

Vitamin b 100 complex
Vitamin c
Omega 3
Flaxseed oil
Primrose oil
5htp
Magnesium/calcium

Meditation/grounding
Extreme exercise daily
Socializing
Working
Psychiatist
Psychologist.

Sorry for the long post and I'm sure I left a ton out but you guys get the idea.

Thanks for listening and any advice would be much appreciated by myself and my wife.

 

[DJJ]

Anyone else have a similar experience?

 

[allison84]

I can relate to most your symptoms
Feeling as if you are trapped in your mind hate that one plus the terrible memory is horrid .
Can't offer much advice other then keep yourself busy and dp your best to live normal.

 

[DJJ]

Thanks for your reply. Ya it’s a hard thing to deal with. There isn’t an exact way to describe how I am “feeling”. Dream-like is the closest thing I can think of. But even that doesn’t describe it exactly. I think it’s indescribeable... I never had anything in my life that was majorly traumatic. I was going through a rough breakup in high school at the time I smoked weed and came into this state??? Could that be the catalyst. I don’t know. It seems like the thc messed up the chemicals in my brain more than anything.... Does anyone get weird indescribable feelings? Memories from childhood and random dreams just pop into my head.Does anyone experience this? Has anyone been this messed up and then overcome this??? And how? I’ve tried ignoring it, accepting it, medicating it. I go on with “normal” activities. I feel like what I’ve done is irreversible. Any help or success stories would help. I’m 29 years old and want out of this “living coma”. Thank you.

 

[Luke1414]

Yeah occasionally I get those symptoms, especially the random memories. The only reason you are still feeling it is because you are anxious about it. Imagine trying to get rid of dp like trying to lose weight. When you keep adding to it then it won't go away but it can go fairly quickly if you just get on with life. Try to find a hobby and I promise you will suddenly realise the symptoms went for a while. Keep working on this and eventually you will get out of it. Ironically I did something similar on the 10th November 2017 XD

 

[Grindelwald]

When I had it bad, I basically felt like I was high on weed 24/7, minus all the good effects. Felt paranoid, had high thoughts all the time, along with pressure in the back of my head. Couldn't concentrate at all. It sucked.

 

[Todd]

It's been going on since Oct or early November for me.. I turned 20 in November.. it's been like a living hell since then.. I am hoping it will go away with time. I have learned to live with it since I can't control it or stop it from happening at this point, it's a 24/7 nightmare that I can wakeup from, I feel like I am doomed..

 

[DJJ]

Hey guys thanks for the replies. Yes. This is the hardest thing I've had to deal with in my 30 years on this planet. It makes you question your whole life. Your "comfort zone" no longer exists. People that you have known for years feel distant. Strange unknown feelings intrude at any moment. I feel like I am just "existing". I remember looking up at the stars on a clear night or the sunset on a beautiful day and feeling something special. I can no longer feel these feelings. There almost feels like a "block" in my head. Even my sense of "right and wrong" is skewed. Logically I know what is right and wrong. But. It seems like the automatic response of it just isn't there anymore. Also. Does anyone else feel like there life is just flying by because of this? The last six months have felt like days to me...

Todd.If you don't mind me asking. What triggered your dissociation.?

Anyone have any tips or tricks to start pulling us out of this state?

Cheers guys. And hang in there. No matter how bad it gets. We're going to beat this crap!

 

[yagelr]

Hey guys.

i'm having the same thing apparently.

i'm 25, smoking weed for like 4 years.. been smoking hard sometimes (went to Amsterdam twice smoked there like crazy)

never thought something like this could ever happen to me.

last week me and a couple of friends tried THC Cannabis OIL with 15% thc.., everything was fine at first i was laughing like hell, but then its started... felt really bad couldn't see normal and all that things that comes when overdosing on cannabis.

thing is i got really scared of it and i think this is the reason that triggered dp.

for a week now i feel numb, empty, everything i do suddenly feels boring, and wothless..

a friend that has often panic attacks gave me half a pill of Lorazepam, that actually made me feel no anxiety anymore which is helping, because i have less symptoms for a while..

i hope this thing i'm going thru will pass soon.

wish you all good luck going thru this thing..