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Hi Everyone!

First post here. I was diagnosed with initially Complex PTSD, and now 2 years later a depersonalization disorder. I Bam trying to find others who have similar diagnosis but experience the high function states aswell which aren't traditionally apart of the pathology.y this I mean, states of depersonalization where its almost if not sociopathic depending on perception. These states would be similar to the empty space traditionally associated with depersonalization yet cognitive assertion still perseveres despite absence of emotional feel. So in more layman terms, one would be experiencing the depersonalized state yet instead of being withdrawn back into the mind and feeling as if your body isn't your its more or less the absence of emotion from the stream of consciousness, allowing for raw access to information without emotion accompanying it. Essentially its like having a vivid PTSD flashback but with just information. In these states often I mimic emotions because I don't feel until the state changes either due to prompting or natural reasons. When I say mimic, these states are usually shorter lived couple hours here, couple hours there but frequent none the less and if I don't push out an emote through mimicking anyone around could notice something is off. This is anecdotal but I tried roughly 3 times with a friend seeing if there was a measurable IQ differential when I was in a depersonalized high functioning state but they failed to yield valid results as my states at the time were too volatile and I was requiring the use of cannabis to prompt.

Factors involved in my Diagnosis

- Long term successful micro dose of THC/CBD (2 years), turned to extreme addiction for temporary amount of time (8 Months). Theres empirical evidence showing a developmental brain pathology to DP/DR disorders which is impacted by cannabis use. I want to note that I admittedly documented and noticed a spectrum to the dissociation for which I precieve but have failed to map out patterns properly due to complexity in distinguishing disorders I have from my perspective of having it. ALSO WARNING for anyone with DP/DR self treatment and over analyzing can have severely bad negative impacts and would not recommend going down that path.

- Several Concussions ( 5 Majors, 2 minors ) all hospitalized for

- Severe repeated trauma over long term roughly ages 13 - 19, negligent abusive parent with concurrent disorder

- I also used compounds (2) not out of research phase that prompted healing and reduced cell death in the brain to treat symptoms associated with hippocampus, and prefrontal lobe related issues that have pathologies linked to C-PTSD (this was after initial diagnosis). These were androgen based and have properties that mimic a certain ssri, specifically vortioxetine as I couldn't stomach the ssri (weaker than average stomach) and puked to the point of not being able to eat due to damage and bleeding inside the throat yet I noticed a lot of benefits while on it. Vortioxetine has very good data for people who can stomach it and it worked for me while I used it.
 
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