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Hi, i'm brand new here. My names Ryn and i'm terrified of absolutely everything in my life right now. I had derealization when I was younger but only for a brief second, and I could actually control it to a certain extent, it always happened if I focused on my hands or something. About 3 months ago my depersonalization/derealization started and I knew what it was but this time it was stronger, and it never went away. It would come and go while I was dating my boyfriend, we were fighting every single day and i'm wondering if somehow that triggered it? If i even had a trigger. It honestly just felt as if it came on for no apparent reason and it wouldn't go away. It scared me so deeply, and it still does. It made me terrified of everything, of my surroundings, of myself, of the fact that I can breathe. It was so scary, like I felt myself move my arm and go down the stairs, my brain still worked the same but everything shifted to completely "wrong" I would have intense panic attacks from the minute of waking up. I would see my comforter and realize I was here, and at the same time I questioned if I was here?? Was I alive? Is being alive, real? It's so hard to describe. I'm terrified of looking in mirrors, of conversations, I look at my mom and get scared because it's another human. I know she's my mom but I don't feel a connection, I feel totally alone. My memories don't feel like my own and quite honestly they freak me out to think about them. I'm just so scared, everyday to the point where I thought I was schizophrenic, I went to the doctor and got a CT scan to see if I have a brain tumor. (I suffer from anxiety, depression from 6th grade, and just recently of hypochondria) The results came back that I was fine and as silly and messed up that it seems I was almost disappointed because a brain tumor could give me a reason as to why I feel like this. I'm losing hope, i'm scared. I told my mom I can't live a life where i'm terrified everyday. I'm scared i'll forget her and my family. I'm currently on paroxentine (paxil at 20mg) and I have Ativan for panic attacks. Any comments would be helpful, just to let me know i'm not alone.
 

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Same thing happened to me dont be scared i know its hard with the weird feelings attached to it went away with time i felt like i was dead and acting they seemed strangers was so scared felt like my brain was vanishing keep fighting this demon i hard as it sounds
 

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All the anxiety, fear, panic, depression, phobias, odd thinking patterns has a root cause.... "Stress"

Its often hard to pinpoint exactly which stresses triggered the DP for you but you can guarantee it was stress at some level...

To be honest figuring out what caused it in the first place wont fix it....

What will fix it is eliminating ALL the stress and worry around yourself right now...You must take it real real easy for the next while and surround yourself in decent caring loving understanding people....People who tell you your just imagining it or that its all in your head or to just get on with things are to be avoided...They do more harm than good...I call them the Pull Your Socks Up Brigade....Avoid them...

Toxic people places and things are the last thing you need right now....You need lots of rest and a decent break from the pressures and responsibilities of everyday life for now.....You need to alow yourself time to improve and then you can gradually reintroduce yourself to everyday life....Recovery from DP is very possible and most of us do improve but it takes time....Wishing you were better overnight just adds to the anxiety....Just try to be safe in the knowledge that this condition is not permeanent...

If you find the medicine is helping stick with it for the time being....In fact dont just drop it if you suddenly start feeling better....Its probably doing more for you than you realise....Just be careful with any Benzo meds...They can become very habit forming and even quite addictive....You end up having to take higher doses more often for the same effect.....This is not the case with other meds like Ant Depressants and Anti Psychotics in my experience...

That fear you have of being schizophrenic or psychotic etc etc is very very common for DP sufferers...We have all believed we were going totally nuts at some stage...

DP is very upsetting and disturbing but its NOT dangerous and you are NOT losing your mind and you WONT slip into some crazy other weird mental conditions...The fact you are so aware of whats happening and the fact its so frightening proves you are very very in tune with reality....It just FEELs like your not or that you may go totally crazy at any moment......That WONT happen......And you will improve with time.....You have to just slow down and be very very gentle on yourself for the time being....In fact you will kinda have to put life on hold to allow yourself to improve....I know how much you want to just instantly snap back into your old self....We all did at one stage.....DP doesnt work like that.....You have to give yourself a breather from lifes everday stresses and allow your mind time to heal...

You are gonna be OK...I promise you!!!
 

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You are not gonna forget your life either and you are not losing your memory....Whats actually happening is your concentration levels are very poor right now as a result of the anxiety, fear, DP and mental exhaustion you are experiencing....Its impossible to lose your memory from DP....It just FEELS like you are losing your memory...

Most if not all of the unusual fears and panic and scarey thinking that goes with DP is basically false beliefs....Your mind is in whats known as fight or flight mode...Its trying to protect you from imagined dangers....Its why we tend to feel distant or spacey constantly when DPed....In a way your mind has decided this is all too much right now im tuning out for a while....Of course it feels absolutley horrible.....

BUT it eases off and goes away completely for lots of people....You must rest though and take it real real easy....I suggest also if you can get plenty of extra sleep....
 

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Yes, great advice eddy1886, well put. I will also add that roaming around endless pages on the internet about trying to find a cure or reading tons of posts on this website is naturally something you will want to do. However, it is really best to try to resist this urge right now because the searching will likely cause more stress. Take eddy's advice and do everything you can to create the best environment to reduce stress. Your brain is trying to protect you and numb yourself from the stress by inducing feelings of detachment (depersonalization/derealization). Give your brain the kind of time it needs to heal
 
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