Hi, i'm brand new here. My names Ryn and i'm terrified of absolutely everything in my life right now. I had derealization when I was younger but only for a brief second, and I could actually control it to a certain extent, it always happened if I focused on my hands or something. About 3 months ago my depersonalization/derealization started and I knew what it was but this time it was stronger, and it never went away. It would come and go while I was dating my boyfriend, we were fighting every single day and i'm wondering if somehow that triggered it? If i even had a trigger. It honestly just felt as if it came on for no apparent reason and it wouldn't go away. It scared me so deeply, and it still does. It made me terrified of everything, of my surroundings, of myself, of the fact that I can breathe. It was so scary, like I felt myself move my arm and go down the stairs, my brain still worked the same but everything shifted to completely "wrong" I would have intense panic attacks from the minute of waking up. I would see my comforter and realize I was here, and at the same time I questioned if I was here?? Was I alive? Is being alive, real? It's so hard to describe. I'm terrified of looking in mirrors, of conversations, I look at my mom and get scared because it's another human. I know she's my mom but I don't feel a connection, I feel totally alone. My memories don't feel like my own and quite honestly they freak me out to think about them. I'm just so scared, everyday to the point where I thought I was schizophrenic, I went to the doctor and got a CT scan to see if I have a brain tumor. (I suffer from anxiety, depression from 6th grade, and just recently of hypochondria) The results came back that I was fine and as silly and messed up that it seems I was almost disappointed because a brain tumor could give me a reason as to why I feel like this. I'm losing hope, i'm scared. I told my mom I can't live a life where i'm terrified everyday. I'm scared i'll forget her and my family. I'm currently on paroxentine (paxil at 20mg) and I have Ativan for panic attacks. Any comments would be helpful, just to let me know i'm not alone.