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Guest
·I just wanted to share an excerpt of a simple little down-to-earth book I am reading called "There is Nothing Wrong with You" by Cheri Huber.
As I am starting to face my suppressed emotions, I am realising that my fear and negativity is connected to self-hate from all the invalidation I recieved in my childhood. I constantly invalidate myself and the world and existence itself! This may not work for those who got DP from drugs, but here is the excerpt that clicked with me:
"GUIDE: I can give you the simplest of all possible rules of thumb: Any time a voice is talking to you that is not talking with love and compassion, don't believe it!
Even if it is talking about someone else, don't believe it. Even if it is directed at someone else, it is the voice of your self-hate. It is simply hating through an external object. It can hate you directly by telling you what a lousy, rotten person you are, and it can hate you indirectly by pointing out what's wrong 'out there'.
If the voice is not loving,
Don't listen to it,
Don't follow it,
Don't believe it.
No exceptions!
Even if it says it's 'for your own good', it is not. It's for its good, not yours. This is the same as when parents talk to you in a hateful tone of voice "for your own good". It's for their good. It makes them feel better. It does not make you better. (And it does not make you behave 'better'.)
Here are some outrageous things I suggest about this. Any time you hear the voice of self-hate, do something for yourself that will make it crazy.
Buy yourself a present.
Sit down and read for pleasure.
Take a long, hot bath.
STUDENT: Whatever it is that you can't let yourself do.
GUIDE: Yes. Whatever would be lazy and indulgent...
STUDENT: ...thoughtless, selfish...
GUIDE: YES! The more, the better. It can be as simple as going for a walk on a nice day. You just keep walking until the voice is still, until it is clear that it's not in control anymore. Then, when you're ready, when you're present, go back to your regular life."
Also:
"If you're miserable, there's nothing really wrong with that, but if you're hating being miserable, then it's hell. If you're miserable and not hating it, you'll probably move through it pretty quickly."
And
"At some point,
Now or later,
You're going to have to risk
BEING YOU
iIn order to find out
Who that really is.
Not the conditioned you, not the "you" you've been taught to believe you are,
Who you really are.
And this perhaps will be
The scariest,
The most loving,
The most rewarding
Thing you have ever done."
------
We all know distraction techniques help, but that is not what struck me in this passage. What struck me was the mention of projecting our self-hate onto other things. What if those things are yourself and world itself? Then you get DP or DR.
Criticising and questioning the world and ourselves is invalidating it.
Hope this helps
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As I am starting to face my suppressed emotions, I am realising that my fear and negativity is connected to self-hate from all the invalidation I recieved in my childhood. I constantly invalidate myself and the world and existence itself! This may not work for those who got DP from drugs, but here is the excerpt that clicked with me:
"GUIDE: I can give you the simplest of all possible rules of thumb: Any time a voice is talking to you that is not talking with love and compassion, don't believe it!
Even if it is talking about someone else, don't believe it. Even if it is directed at someone else, it is the voice of your self-hate. It is simply hating through an external object. It can hate you directly by telling you what a lousy, rotten person you are, and it can hate you indirectly by pointing out what's wrong 'out there'.
If the voice is not loving,
Don't listen to it,
Don't follow it,
Don't believe it.
No exceptions!
Even if it says it's 'for your own good', it is not. It's for its good, not yours. This is the same as when parents talk to you in a hateful tone of voice "for your own good". It's for their good. It makes them feel better. It does not make you better. (And it does not make you behave 'better'.)
Here are some outrageous things I suggest about this. Any time you hear the voice of self-hate, do something for yourself that will make it crazy.
Buy yourself a present.
Sit down and read for pleasure.
Take a long, hot bath.
STUDENT: Whatever it is that you can't let yourself do.
GUIDE: Yes. Whatever would be lazy and indulgent...
STUDENT: ...thoughtless, selfish...
GUIDE: YES! The more, the better. It can be as simple as going for a walk on a nice day. You just keep walking until the voice is still, until it is clear that it's not in control anymore. Then, when you're ready, when you're present, go back to your regular life."
Also:
"If you're miserable, there's nothing really wrong with that, but if you're hating being miserable, then it's hell. If you're miserable and not hating it, you'll probably move through it pretty quickly."
And
"At some point,
Now or later,
You're going to have to risk
BEING YOU
iIn order to find out
Who that really is.
Not the conditioned you, not the "you" you've been taught to believe you are,
Who you really are.
And this perhaps will be
The scariest,
The most loving,
The most rewarding
Thing you have ever done."
------
We all know distraction techniques help, but that is not what struck me in this passage. What struck me was the mention of projecting our self-hate onto other things. What if those things are yourself and world itself? Then you get DP or DR.
Criticising and questioning the world and ourselves is invalidating it.
Hope this helps
