I thought I would be the last one having any issues like this before.
I had high self-esteem,
I was enjoying my everyday life,
I was doing great at school,
I was social,
I was happy,
I was fit,
I was energetic,
I had friends and family that support me,
I've never been depressed, anxious
I've never used drugs,
I had no major issue ever in my life.
Yes, I knew I was a lucky person and really appreciated that too.
My life wasn't perfect of course but it worked for me and everyday I loved it.
Then I've got a flu and my life started collapsing. Few days after getting a flu, I started feeling a little bit weird. But I thought I was just feeling a little bit tired and it will go away as soon as flu goes away. Then I had my first episode, after drinking a cup of coffee (not sure if that had anything to do with it), in the middle of lecture at school. I suddenly got so confused and scared for no reason I had to walk out of lecture and go to the hospital. I still don't know what that was but that was the point where I felt 'something is wrong'.
That episode didn't last too long, I calmed down in an hour but that 'feeling' never went away. Next morning I realized that I still had that feeling. Was I scared? no, I still thought that was just flu. Then it started getting worse. one day after that I had my first panic attack when I was trying to sleep, started breathing so fast and started shaking. I've never felt such a fear. I went to a hospital and took a blood test, heart beat and pressure test, everything is fine. When I found out that I was okay, I was even more scared, I didn't know what to tell myself. The world felt so unreal and everything around me felt so alienated. I've never had any mental episodes like that and all I heard was "you're fine, it happens".
I hoped and guessed that everything would be fine again when I wake up then went to bed.
No, it kept getting even worse.
Everything felt so unreal and I couldn't even enjoy music. I couldn't feel any emotions. I couldn't even get mad. The worst of all, the thoughts and feelings of 'am I going crazy' hit me so hard that I was so overwhelmed with fear, even that fear felt weird. At that point, I say I developed 24/7 DP with daily episodes where I get extremely more depersonalized and super confused, anxious, scared.
I couldn't eat, I couldn't study, I couldn't focus on anything. The doctor I started seeing didn't even know what DP was so I had to look it up and find it myself what I was going through and go to a psychiatrist. Funny thing is, even the psychiatrist wasn't sure what was going on. He simply thought I was having some anxiety issue that I've never had. I tried lorazepam, risperidone. Neither of theses guys helped and I honestly think they made it worse, I only tried them for like, twice and quit.
I was so desperate that all day I started looking for an answer. Then I found this pilot research of successful treatment of DP with naloxone. I would never have thought that I would get a drug (I guess it is) myself and inject something in my body. That's something I've never imagined that I would do. But I did, I was so desperate that I was willing to do anything.
In 20 minutes I started feeling something, in an hour I tasted the reality, I was so surprised how that worked. I could sleep in peace that day and DP was so much better. Sadly it started going downhill day after and 24/7 DP was still there but I started having 'ups and downs' and during 'ups', I could enjoy music again and feel the glimpse of 'old me', that was so amazing. I felt hope. It's been a week after that naloxone session and I'm still struggling but I say my DP is at least 60% gone and I starting to see the end of this nightmare.
It's been almost a month with DP and I say this with no doubt, this is the hardest thing that you will ever go through. But now I see the end and don't worry, you are not going crazy. In fact, asking that question yourself proves that you are not haha. For most cases, it just naturally goes away too. Let it take few days, few months or even years, but you know what? take it as a challenge that will allow you to realize how great our lives truly are.
You might feel dumber, you might feel anxious at things you shouldn't, you might get obsessed, you might suffer panic attacks, you might think that you are going crazy all day. But don't worry, there is no nightmare that doesn't end. At the end, you will get up from this nightmare and eventually even forget how it felt.
Tips,
TAKE MEDICAL TESTS (blood, urine, etc), mine doesn't seem to be a physical issue but yours might be.
Cut every single recreational drug you are doing, alcohol, caffeine, smoking, burn them all, at worst you become healthier
Change your diet immediately, low inflammatory, healthy foods should help, at worst you become healthier
Quality multivitamin, omega 3, at worst you become healthier
You can fight it or accept it but don't feed it with fear, it feeds on fear. When you feel anxious, fucking face it, don't deny it, face it and try to FEEL it.
Cry if you can, cry as hard as you can.
Try naloxone if you can.
I'm trying pretty much everything and at least one of them seems to be working for me. I'm going to get someone for cognitive behavior therapy and try all the other stuff that can help me out. I'm already feeling so much better and I'm so confident that this will go away anytime soon. Don't lose hope, don't feed it with fear. One day you wouldn't even remember what it felt like. All you need is effort, time and hope.
When I fully recover I will try to update!
Thank you everyone!!
I had high self-esteem,
I was enjoying my everyday life,
I was doing great at school,
I was social,
I was happy,
I was fit,
I was energetic,
I had friends and family that support me,
I've never been depressed, anxious
I've never used drugs,
I had no major issue ever in my life.
Yes, I knew I was a lucky person and really appreciated that too.
My life wasn't perfect of course but it worked for me and everyday I loved it.
Then I've got a flu and my life started collapsing. Few days after getting a flu, I started feeling a little bit weird. But I thought I was just feeling a little bit tired and it will go away as soon as flu goes away. Then I had my first episode, after drinking a cup of coffee (not sure if that had anything to do with it), in the middle of lecture at school. I suddenly got so confused and scared for no reason I had to walk out of lecture and go to the hospital. I still don't know what that was but that was the point where I felt 'something is wrong'.
That episode didn't last too long, I calmed down in an hour but that 'feeling' never went away. Next morning I realized that I still had that feeling. Was I scared? no, I still thought that was just flu. Then it started getting worse. one day after that I had my first panic attack when I was trying to sleep, started breathing so fast and started shaking. I've never felt such a fear. I went to a hospital and took a blood test, heart beat and pressure test, everything is fine. When I found out that I was okay, I was even more scared, I didn't know what to tell myself. The world felt so unreal and everything around me felt so alienated. I've never had any mental episodes like that and all I heard was "you're fine, it happens".
I hoped and guessed that everything would be fine again when I wake up then went to bed.
No, it kept getting even worse.
Everything felt so unreal and I couldn't even enjoy music. I couldn't feel any emotions. I couldn't even get mad. The worst of all, the thoughts and feelings of 'am I going crazy' hit me so hard that I was so overwhelmed with fear, even that fear felt weird. At that point, I say I developed 24/7 DP with daily episodes where I get extremely more depersonalized and super confused, anxious, scared.
I couldn't eat, I couldn't study, I couldn't focus on anything. The doctor I started seeing didn't even know what DP was so I had to look it up and find it myself what I was going through and go to a psychiatrist. Funny thing is, even the psychiatrist wasn't sure what was going on. He simply thought I was having some anxiety issue that I've never had. I tried lorazepam, risperidone. Neither of theses guys helped and I honestly think they made it worse, I only tried them for like, twice and quit.
I was so desperate that all day I started looking for an answer. Then I found this pilot research of successful treatment of DP with naloxone. I would never have thought that I would get a drug (I guess it is) myself and inject something in my body. That's something I've never imagined that I would do. But I did, I was so desperate that I was willing to do anything.
In 20 minutes I started feeling something, in an hour I tasted the reality, I was so surprised how that worked. I could sleep in peace that day and DP was so much better. Sadly it started going downhill day after and 24/7 DP was still there but I started having 'ups and downs' and during 'ups', I could enjoy music again and feel the glimpse of 'old me', that was so amazing. I felt hope. It's been a week after that naloxone session and I'm still struggling but I say my DP is at least 60% gone and I starting to see the end of this nightmare.
It's been almost a month with DP and I say this with no doubt, this is the hardest thing that you will ever go through. But now I see the end and don't worry, you are not going crazy. In fact, asking that question yourself proves that you are not haha. For most cases, it just naturally goes away too. Let it take few days, few months or even years, but you know what? take it as a challenge that will allow you to realize how great our lives truly are.
You might feel dumber, you might feel anxious at things you shouldn't, you might get obsessed, you might suffer panic attacks, you might think that you are going crazy all day. But don't worry, there is no nightmare that doesn't end. At the end, you will get up from this nightmare and eventually even forget how it felt.
Tips,
TAKE MEDICAL TESTS (blood, urine, etc), mine doesn't seem to be a physical issue but yours might be.
Cut every single recreational drug you are doing, alcohol, caffeine, smoking, burn them all, at worst you become healthier
Change your diet immediately, low inflammatory, healthy foods should help, at worst you become healthier
Quality multivitamin, omega 3, at worst you become healthier
You can fight it or accept it but don't feed it with fear, it feeds on fear. When you feel anxious, fucking face it, don't deny it, face it and try to FEEL it.
Cry if you can, cry as hard as you can.
Try naloxone if you can.
I'm trying pretty much everything and at least one of them seems to be working for me. I'm going to get someone for cognitive behavior therapy and try all the other stuff that can help me out. I'm already feeling so much better and I'm so confident that this will go away anytime soon. Don't lose hope, don't feed it with fear. One day you wouldn't even remember what it felt like. All you need is effort, time and hope.
When I fully recover I will try to update!
Thank you everyone!!
