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Hello! I'm a 14 year old boy and I am currently extremely happy because I woke up and my DP was gone after 2 days of pure torture. On the 15th, I had an extremely bad panic attack causing me to just feel like hyperawareness AND like I wasn't there... and yesterday, it was even worse, I felt unreal the whole day and my brain started having severe anxity because of it, and in my mind I started freaking out and, its so hard to explain, but included was not knowing the meaning of life, why I am here, etc, just made it worse, and it was probably the scariest thing I've ever experienced.

But, Ive been actually dealing with this since December 27, 2015 at around 7 PM when I was perfectly normal, then a giant panic attack hit me. I felt like I was in a dream ( like the dozens of lucid dreams I had in 2014, when I was still normal ), and the attack lasted for like a minute, but since then, I was never the same again. I had bad dp for like a month, and then it settled, only happening when I would think deeply about life, or even when I wasn't. In May 2017 though, my brain developed emetophobia ( which I've actually had since I threw up the only time in my life in November 2010 at age 7, lol ), and that ruined a lot of months. But I'd take emet 10000000000000000000 times over this crap ( dp ) because at least emet is a more "down to earth" phobia.

About a month ago, I got into a 3 day dp fog, but it wasn't bad and went away fast.

It just didn't get bad again until 2 days ago. Even though I feel better now, I know that it will come back, making me feel unreal and hyperaware and questioning life, I just got to wonder. What is this, why does it come and go, how do I just make it leave. I notice that It rarely comes when I'm distracted, just times like whe Im not doing anything. My thought such as "This is really me! I'm here right now," are supposed to be comforting to most, but it gives me dp and anxiety, maybe because there's so much I don't know. Yesterday, I seriously felt like I was going insane.

Did it have anything to do with in earlier 2015, when all of my friends turned against me, and I had almost no friends for months? Does it have to do with me comparing myself to people too much, or being extremely insecure? Even now, I have good friend, but a couple of people that hang out with one of my friends don't want to even talk to me with the BULLCRAP that happened in 2015.

I seriously want to enjoy my life, I just have severe anxiety, no depression. I think a reason it ended was when I couldn't take it anymore and had to tell someone yesterday. In real life. I know that my brain needs some kind of something to worry about,so Im currently in the process of trying to get my emetaphobia back, my brain seems to either want that or dp. I hate emet, but I love it compared to dp.

I just need these questions answerd. I want to be normal for good! Thanks.
 
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