Hey ya person3;
You know I'm in recovery and sometimes people have asked over the years why do I still go to mtgs after 21 years--my answer is why do you still go to church? LOL.It is because I forget what the solutions are VERY easily when I run the show and am self sufficiently isolating myself.
I need to be at the places where I can hear what other people are doing to get thru things SOBER. That word doesn't just apply to alcohol-it's addressing my way of thinking, feeling, reacting, believing my (mis)perceptions, tendency to getting further away from the world and more back into my own head. Living sober is way more than not drinking. If all we had was a drinking problem we'd be GREAT at living life once we put down our substance. The reverse is true. Our problems start at that very point.
Yes Alcoholism is a disease recognized for a long time as such by the AMA etc..But there's a lot more to be done than facing that part and putting down the substance. It is the part that will kill us physically; however I have seen people not drink but not change and they have either gone back to drinking and drugs, died inside or completely-- or sadly killed themselves SOBER! They could not stand the "commitee meetings" in their head, who constantly voted them DOWM.
WE have the steps as a design for living-- for the very purpose of changing our ways of trying to control everything---outcomes, people, places and things. I tried controlled drinking before I finally got sober and it sucked cuz I did not want to be monitoring really. I wanted the old "oblivion" back again. So I was convinced alcohol needed to be controlled, my intake, the things I did when drunk etc..But still control was not the answer. So it is a physical illness AND it's solution is so much more.
I beleive that I am clinically depressed and that anxiety is a real BAD symptom of it. I can become addicted to thinking nobody understands. That will quickly set me in self pity...you know poor me poor me POUR ME a Drink. Or the old pattern of Hurt, Angry, Drunk. I am a control freak when I am scared especially. I like dwhat you said about our sort of, LOL..immature belief that we "should" never feel bad. My reactions to feeling bad compound the original reason. I'm coming to beleive that the sooner I can accept I feel bad I'll quit fighting. Sometimes all I need is a reality check..yes jake I would feel bad too if such n such happened. I have to reach out and practice a new behavior though to get there.
I do still and maybe will always want to "Just Not Have Problems or Feelings about Them!!" Control..it's an illusion. Focus and decsion and action are my way out. Thanks for the great post.
Thankfully I don't drink today. I do though have to handle sobriety every day, and tht's what I could never handle in the first place. Life on Life's terms. I am very much an addict to anything that relieves pain or augments pleasure, but "normal" people do this too---just not to the point of becoming mentally obsessed and physically craving.
You know I'm in recovery and sometimes people have asked over the years why do I still go to mtgs after 21 years--my answer is why do you still go to church? LOL.It is because I forget what the solutions are VERY easily when I run the show and am self sufficiently isolating myself.
I need to be at the places where I can hear what other people are doing to get thru things SOBER. That word doesn't just apply to alcohol-it's addressing my way of thinking, feeling, reacting, believing my (mis)perceptions, tendency to getting further away from the world and more back into my own head. Living sober is way more than not drinking. If all we had was a drinking problem we'd be GREAT at living life once we put down our substance. The reverse is true. Our problems start at that very point.
Yes Alcoholism is a disease recognized for a long time as such by the AMA etc..But there's a lot more to be done than facing that part and putting down the substance. It is the part that will kill us physically; however I have seen people not drink but not change and they have either gone back to drinking and drugs, died inside or completely-- or sadly killed themselves SOBER! They could not stand the "commitee meetings" in their head, who constantly voted them DOWM.
WE have the steps as a design for living-- for the very purpose of changing our ways of trying to control everything---outcomes, people, places and things. I tried controlled drinking before I finally got sober and it sucked cuz I did not want to be monitoring really. I wanted the old "oblivion" back again. So I was convinced alcohol needed to be controlled, my intake, the things I did when drunk etc..But still control was not the answer. So it is a physical illness AND it's solution is so much more.
I beleive that I am clinically depressed and that anxiety is a real BAD symptom of it. I can become addicted to thinking nobody understands. That will quickly set me in self pity...you know poor me poor me POUR ME a Drink. Or the old pattern of Hurt, Angry, Drunk. I am a control freak when I am scared especially. I like dwhat you said about our sort of, LOL..immature belief that we "should" never feel bad. My reactions to feeling bad compound the original reason. I'm coming to beleive that the sooner I can accept I feel bad I'll quit fighting. Sometimes all I need is a reality check..yes jake I would feel bad too if such n such happened. I have to reach out and practice a new behavior though to get there.
I do still and maybe will always want to "Just Not Have Problems or Feelings about Them!!" Control..it's an illusion. Focus and decsion and action are my way out. Thanks for the great post.
Thankfully I don't drink today. I do though have to handle sobriety every day, and tht's what I could never handle in the first place. Life on Life's terms. I am very much an addict to anything that relieves pain or augments pleasure, but "normal" people do this too---just not to the point of becoming mentally obsessed and physically craving.
