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It left me numb. I don't know. So much has happened in between that I just couldn't tell you what triggered what. All I know is a new personality is emerging or should I saw the rawest form of my subconscious mind is coming to light.

It almost feels like every single repression or resentment in my life is surfacing yet again, and this time it's becoming a manifestation of my new self -- an expression sort to say. All these thoughts that I didn't dare give a name, are slowly revealing themselves.

To be free, unmarked, to let go of right and wrong. All those nasty, dirty filters that we are given from day 1, telling you what to think, how to act, respond and be, they are slowly dissipating. Thoughts of she, me, the beauty of what I choose and the ugly of what I need to rid myself from -- free from any social dictation -- I am venting off in due time. I'm releasing that monster inside me because it's the proper thing to do. If I do not, I will only cause myself more chastisement. I don't want to be the slave of my brain nor do I want to master my mind. I'm simply choosing to just be what my thoughts produce, without any dichotomy, this or that, and any other shade and tone.

But that doesn't mean I will go out and act on some animalistic tendencies and hurt others, no, and more importantly I just can't keep hurting myself by bottling in what I feel, think or don't say.

I will not applaud at boring events, I will not ask "How you are doing" if I really, honestly do not want to know. If you are coming to me for change, then expect change but if you come at me telling me you are hungry and ask for money instead, I will not feed you. You are deceiving me, and I'd be doing worse by reciprocating your deception.

I will not be your contender, nor your scale to measure me by. But if you become a wall to me, I will become your wrecking ball. If you are kind to me, I will be the ears you painfully seek for.

This is a revelation, God or not. This life, short and putrid, may yet have its wonders and magic. But if I don't peel the onion, I will never cry, thus I will never know what pain can give me: liberty!

The scabs heal, the crying will subside, and then you can begin again to understand what is I and what is you. Why we are what we are and why we are not what we are not.

Thoughts are the purest from of the ego, and society wanted to clean you, "detoxify" you, bleached your personality.
Keep the natural laws that all men and women deserve by birthright and do away with all the useless pleasantries and unnecessary courtesy. Live honestly to you, and despite what your mind may feel, as uncomfortable it may feel, it's only a natural response to the mind programming you've been given. When that true self outshines both master and slave, it will feel like the sweetest relief.
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