[whiterabbit]

Hallo all - can't say I share Ben's noble sentiments about dp and how there are worse things to be. I think its just one form of the many forms of Hell on the planet. Right now i feel crap or rather I don't feel anything, my head is all paralysed, I can't connect to anything, I have a monologue going on and on at me about how I am empty and without feeling. I don't seem to have any response to anything, just disconnected and I am just at the end of my tether. I can't stand it, I don't function, I don't feel connected inside or out and it doesn't make sense. The only thing I can be grateful for at this point is that I have a bipolar version of dp and that although I don't believe that I have dp (I am just empty) or that it will end, this will probably switch within a couple of months and then I will be on this board philosophising about how wonderfully lucky we all are to have dp/dr and how it can be overcome etc etc. I didn't do myself any favours yesterday, because I just gave in to the monologue and let it roll and stayed in bed. That was a crap idea. Today I will get back on the Focus Outwards bandwagon, however zombified and unreal and empty I feel....(very)

 

[Sojourner]

DP isn't something "to be" or that anyone "is." It's a way-station only. It is a symptom of some other problem. DP isn't "the" problem at all. Don't be fooled. It's just a symptom, like sleepiness. It has meaning, but not in and of itself.

It's a wake-up call.

I love your creation of "zombified," by the way. Excellent.

You are far from "without feeling." Perhaps you would LIKE to be without feeling, but you are FILLED with feeling. You need to talk to a person (in person) who can help you get at the root.

I will shut up now.

 

[whiterabbit]

Thanks Soujourner - its good to have a supportive reply. I am seeing a therapist again with a view to joining a group (again) I have done a lot of discussing of this whole problem principally with a clinical psychologist over five years and then an intensive therapy group for two. The former gave me an intellectual idea of the emotional roots (no major trauma but emotional repressive family patterns) without changing the nature of the illness (six months severe zomboid state every year). The latter began to teach me how to create new, 'safer' patterns and this last year I have had ten months clear (unprecedented). That's partly why I feel so despairing, because I still can't yet seem to stop the thought loops and disassociation after all the input and effort and i have a very strong core belief that I am, fundamentally, empty and worthless. But I just have to persevere I suppose. Thank you for your support.

Sarah x