Depersonalization Support Forum banner

Don't understand what is happening

1688 Views 9 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  borednikon
Hello, I think I am losing it. Every day now I notice so many coincidences that it is freaking me out. I can give you a long list. To long to post. I can not think straight any more. It is like everything is a coincidence, telling me that I am in control of reality. If I control reality, it means that everybody is not real.
Did you experience this? I don't dare to go out of the house, because I Will notice coincidences again.
Do you have any tips?

1 - 4 of 10 Posts
Hey Samodrot, it all started 4 months a go. I just came out of a severe hiv ocd period. This was the third time I had such a period. But this time I stood my ground. I kept working, socializing and rationalizing. But I was frightened to death. After these 5 months (took a test)
I was exhausted and severely depressed. This was new for me because I should have been improving after the test.
Then suddenly I asked myself if we humans really exist? Well that did not scare me, just was curious. Out of curiosity I started googling, and then I found the philosophical theory of solipsism (do not look it up if you do not know what that means, I really mean that!!!!) and whammmmm, complete mayhem, scared to death again.
Now I am scared of coincidences, patterns and synchronicities because I have attached a meaning to them. I think. I try to rationalize them, but it is just overwhelming. I can't explain them all. It is like I am creating them to prove that I am in control of reality.
And if I am in control of reality, then nothing has a real meaning. No real love, work has no meaning, I have no meaning. I realize that it sounds crazy, but I can not shake the fear. Uncertainty is my trigger.
I have read on this site that these thoughts are very common under people with dp/dr. During my hiv OCD phases I also noticed a lot of scary coincidences. Every time I turned on the radio or tv something was mentioned about hiv, like it was following me. I do not know if this is dr. I do not have all the symptoms that people report on this site. I am lost.
The coincidences that I keep noticing do not tell me to do something, they just frighten me.
See less See more
Hi Hosscat, haha I Will call them Banana cake incidents also. Maybe humour helps. Three days a go I was at the beach with a friend. I asked him if he recognized someone. He said no. A half hour later he met a family he knows. This kind of stuff seems to happen a lot.
Your turn.
Yes......I know. Walking through city centre, thinking "I hope I do not meet a familiar person" and what happens? Yes.
You again.
1 - 4 of 10 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.