[Tomisahoss]

So I absolutely hate going to work like most of us. I dread the moment I turn the key in my car's ignition, but I haven't been to work in a while and I feel *almost* worse than ever. I usually only work friday-sunday and last weekend I had a bit of a stomach bug. All I've done since then is get drunk and play playstation. I literally havent left my house, or really even seen anyone unless it was to get beer at the store. The past 3 or 4 days I've been so anxious and depressed that Ive only been able to hold down a couple meals and a few gatorades. Yesterday I fell asleep around 11am, woke up around 8pm, and then tossed and turned trying to just not get up until almost 3am this morning. The few hours after that included some of the most intense misery I have ever felt. My point is, people arent joking when they say that you shouldn't avoid your condition. That is all I've done for a week and I feel worse than ever. Idle hands really are the devil's playthings. I feel like a total fuckin idiot, because I realize that I have been standing in the way of my own recovery for ages. To make things worse, I know exactly what I need to change but I just dont. It feels too good to gulp down a nice strong beer, rip a big fat ol' vape hit, and put my guilt and shame on a shelf. In conclusion, listen to the nice people who tell you how to deal with your anxiety, even if you think they "just don't get it." I wish I listened to my mom when she noticed my drinking getting worse. I'm broke, lazy, and a miserable, anxious, mess, because I've let this happen to myself. Frekin derp my life.

 

[anitas]

I know it's so hard believe me I still don't understand what's going on with me but try not to be so hard on your self even if it's just a low % try to accomplish little by little and believe me I know how hard it is with all the confusion going on inside my own head if you need anything just pm me