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I'm new aroudn here and i'm trying to figure out whats wrong with me. I'll start with some intro, I guess.

I'm 17, live in canada. When I was young I grew up with a mother who suffered from PTSD and (I beleave) BPD. Sometimes, when I was very young, she would totaly lose controll if she got triggered. I remember at a very young age I witnessed it for the first time.. she was standing outside my room screaming "no" again and again, hitting my dad as she tried to get into my room. The next morning she was all smiles and I was so confussed, I was truly fearful for my life. basicly, since the messed up people around me were constantly acting liek nothing ever happend, I did the same, but the whole time I was just falling apart inside... I've been addicted to speed and opiates, hypnotic sedatives, I smoke alot of pot and tried everything I could get my hands on.

Now, I understand drugs can cause DP/DR, but I've had it since befor I used drugs. When someone talks to me about difficult subjects I suddenyl lose depth persseption, everything feels so far off, like i'm a ghost or something... when I was young I would panic, but I kind of like it now... when people tell me how i'm all messed up when nothings that bad anymore I just go away. It's like being completly disconnected, or like my brain is floating outside of my head. You know how sometimes in the simpsons homers brain says "You can stay here, sucker" and it floats away... kind of like that.

This happens to me alot now though.. not just when people are bugging me (although it gets much more pronounced). Usualy I can't tell if my body is my own, the trees look fake.

I also feel despaerate/depressed one second, or edgy and hostile the next. I confuse my self so fucking much, and I hate myself so much it makes me sick.

Thats sort of a breif description of me... that insodent wasn't a one time thing either, it lasted for about 8 years, I don't feel anything for my family..

I'm going to see somebody about it soon... sound like DP/DR?

Simon the super genius
 

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Hey Simon ? going to see someone about you experiences is a really positive step in your life. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help.

Unfortunately we can't make a diagnosis from the description of your symptoms because none of us are qualified to do so.

I think seeing a psychiatrist and getting an evaluation is a great idea. You've already started healing yourself by making the decision to ask for help. I wouldn't concern yourself so much with whether or not you have DP/DR for now. That can wait until later.

Another thing, its probably a very good idea to stop using drugs. I have been sober from drugs and alcohol for one year and I feel like a completely different person.

Good luck, and welcome to our forum.
 
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