Studying kept me from posting
I read everybody's posts. It all looks like
mine, very much.
Since I find military "conditions" interesting, for me it is thilling when I am fantisizing that... for example... I am organizing a sabotage assault or an infiltration. Which is of cource immature, since war is not a game nor good thing, and I don't have the (mental) abilities for it. And to go a little more far on that, the keenest the threat (inside the fantasy) the better I feel.
And when I notice that I am feeling fine, the bad thinking returns for me too. Is this a common fact in DP/DR? When you notice of what you are thinking, you can't focus on it
what you are thinking) any more?
I remember when noticed that those conditions were making me feel better (more alive, e.t.c.) I tried to make such thoughts more offen. But now I find it difficult to actually believe them (to concentrate to them). Usually I get a good percentage of consentration over "suprise" condition so I get excided (but not outside DP/DR).
I am starting to think that I am feeling better with suprice, danger, and emergency, because I am dodging reponsibilities in real life.
I am going to make a few experiments (thinking actually) and analyzing, and I will report the resaults.