When I had to take my kitty to the emergency room 2 days ago, i completely forgot about my dp for a few hours, 'till i noticed that i was feeling fine of course, then it came back. is that the kind of surprise/distraction you mean?
I have often found this true. I could relate many stories of when I very symtomatic with dp/dr...that a "surprize" (house fires...accidents) or emergency (cpr) took me out of it, or at least made me unaware of it. I have often told folks that I am at my best when in an emergency. This has always made me wonder, for emergency situations are anxiety overloads and you would think we would react in fear. Unless of course we are already at that threshold of flight or fight anyway and it just is "routine" for us. Who knows. I do know I feel solid, intact with myself and with my surroundings, full of energy and quick of mind when these sitiuatons have occured. Go figure.
I skate whenever i have free time to force me into positions in which could be considered unstable/suprising. Like when you're dropping into a 10' 1/4 pipe and you're moving at like 35mph on 4 little 1.5" urethane wheels towards a street spine you kinda just understand how real things actually are. And then when you're about 2ft above the spine and looking down and feel your back truck catch the coping and slam you into flat concrete from 8ft up there is nothing in my life but "real." When you see the blood and feel the hurt, i dunno.. you cant replace that. However though it has to all be in the context of surprise. I dunno.. i love it. Its crazy but it works. Even the words describing it bring me back to that feeling.. hehe.. its just so, i dunno, "real."
"pain in any other context sucks though."
In the past couple of weeks I had to take one of my cats to the vet, and even though I was feeling a lot of anxiety prior to the appointments, I found that I became totally "normal" again when at the animal hospital, as if the crisis put me beyond any disturbing state. Not sure why this happens, but a crisis tends to put me right back in to the "reality" I have been missing for months now.
I read everybody's posts. It all looks like mine, very much.
Since I find military "conditions" interesting, for me it is thilling when I am fantisizing that... for example... I am organizing a sabotage assault or an infiltration. Which is of cource immature, since war is not a game nor good thing, and I don't have the (mental) abilities for it. And to go a little more far on that, the keenest the threat (inside the fantasy) the better I feel.
And when I notice that I am feeling fine, the bad thinking returns for me too. Is this a common fact in DP/DR? When you notice of what you are thinking, you can't focus on it what you are thinking) any more?
I remember when noticed that those conditions were making me feel better (more alive, e.t.c.) I tried to make such thoughts more offen. But now I find it difficult to actually believe them (to concentrate to them). Usually I get a good percentage of consentration over "suprise" condition so I get excided (but not outside DP/DR).
I am starting to think that I am feeling better with suprice, danger, and emergency, because I am dodging reponsibilities in real life.
I am going to make a few experiments (thinking actually) and analyzing, and I will report the resaults.
I finished my research. It took more more than I thought. I found three reasons of why I feel better with danger and surpice.
- The first reason is from a BBC documentary:
It's because ancestor DNA. We feel good when attacked in order to react well and kill the lion beafore it kills us. Some people respond bad in danger (be frightened or paniced). These people are more suitable for villagers. Those two kind of people are important: the ones that will get out of the vilage and search for discoveries and those who will stay in and keep the fire burning. They are both needed.
However people are not just black and white. Our personality is located in a gradient so there not only "very dangerous living" people and "very peaceful living" people. I would say that I am on the middle.
- The second reason is from a newpaper:
"Andrenaline make some of us feel better."
- The third reason is from me:
Speaking for myself, it's two things that I like: trill and threat. While at the same time I fear of heights and bugs, hmmm... very very weird.
Anyway, when a threat appears, the situation requires handling. Noone else will handle it for me. I feel alone, and I find myself. I get an interest for the situation and the "way out" (or whatever the solution might be).
Sometimes it doesn't happen for me either. It only happens when I believe that I am really in danger. The mind starts to work like a well-wound up machine and that's the moment that I find again myself.
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