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the lowest of the low. completely utterly numb, disgustingly empty. as to the title, that is what i feel.
i can not distinguish between an object from myself; i feel as if my body is like the room, if i poke myself it will be like poking something else and not my body, i feel physical pain superficially, somewhat like i feel other's pain in my body, i don't know.
i don't know how to explain. i lost it. i'm on the verge. i feel in a black vortex of doom, of nothingness.
i'm in the darkest place ever, i'm so alone with myself and i feel like I'm living in this internal world that i cant get out of, while not feeling myself at all. i am very aware of myself, but from the outside. i don't feel that this is my body, i cant feel the external world as well, i feel in a constant dream, as if i'm high all the time, my eyes feel dozed, i'm 24 blank.
i really lost all sense of time, i am completely detached from the world and time and night and day, i just move.
auto pilot. nothing more. just being.
actually i'm not even sure about that.

today has been no different at all from yesterday.
i woke up after an unsatisfying sleep like always, feeling miserable about life.
i'm so tired living. i'm tired being tired.
i walk around like a dead body, i don't even know if saying "like" is relevant anymore.
feeling in a constant dream makes me loose the need of a metaphor, the whole world like seems like a metaphor for itself.
like the question is the answer.
i'm going crazy. i'm in so much pain i cannot bear it.



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Riah
Jul 16 2014 10:05 AM

I can't offer much advice, but to just wait it out. This describes much too well what I have experienced, my heart aches for you :c This is not forever


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Toonami PS1
Jul 17 2014 02:48 PM

I fuckin hear ya, bro. I fought through something like that EXACTLY. 2 years ago. July 16-20 of 2012 was probably the lowest. Next to this 6-month DP phase I've fought through so far but that's not even that bad. Live. Do the things in life you want to do, even if you think DP will get in the way and make you unable to fully enjoy them. It's going to be hard, but just get outside and enjoy your life. Bask in the sun. And don't forget about the people who've supported you. You have someone and if you don't, you have a good memory lying around there somewhere.


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Owleen
Jul 31 2014 09:48 PM

Every word you've shared resonates with me on a deep level. One I understand and can commiserate on. The good news is once you hit that lowest of low in the blackest grayest blue tones of despair or nothingness? You do bottom out, there's nothing lower than rock bottom. And eventually you might start to climb back out of your hole.
 
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