[eclecticsheep]

music was the only love in my life for quite a long time
and now i can't play anything and i don't enjoy anything
i don't have any feelings
is this dp or could it be just depression and anxiety?
thank you always

 

[Guest]

I'm quite different to you, in that music was, and to a lesser extent continues to be the only love in my life. I quite enjoy the stimulation I receive from it.

I listen to music pretty much constantly, despite suffering 24/7 from derealization. I even put on music when I sleep, to distract the nerve endings in my ear from the deafening tinnitus. The music sounds a lot deeper than it used to. Almost like it bears a whole new level of richness to it. I don't know whether this is another after-effect of the mind-expanding (and constricting?) mushrooms, maybe the fellow HPPD/drug-induced DP'd people can relate.

Although, what I will say is that my musical tastes are ever-moving away from what I used to listen to. Before my onset I listened quite heavily to the eclectic psychedelic rock of the late '60s (Hendrix, Doors, Pink Floyd, Jefferson Airplane, Grateful Dead, and so on). Even some psytrance like Infected Mushroom and Shpongle.

Nowadays I tend to listen to minimalistic, beautifully poignant music, as it does help me unwind. Stuff like Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan. I'm listening to Johnny Cash's career-reviving American Recordings at the moment, which I am thoroughly enjoying.

So yeah, there you have it. It's kinda odd, really, considering how my music tastes have progressed through puberty. Music is a blessing for most people, though, I won't dispute that.

But sorry to stray away from the topic so much. Perhaps in your case it is the anxiety and depression which aren't allowing you to unwind. Just relax, breathe deeply, and let the music take you places. Maybe try changing or moderating what you listen to (sometimes depressing music is not the way to go). Listen to music which suits your mood. I'm sure in time you'll be able wholly appreciate music again. Peace.

 

[Blake]

"music was the only love in my life for quite a long time
and now i can't play anything and i don't enjoy anything"

music is a great way to get out of your head and focus on something external. its also a good way to reengage old habits...like putting on your favorite record and just enjoying it (or trying as hard as you can to).

and if you play an instrument its doubly hard. my guitars collected dust for years because i couldnt play like i used to. the trick is try not to judge your playing in terms of real or unreal or good or bad, just let yourself play. and play and play and play and play. no matter how your dp mind tries analyze it, just keep doing it. anyways, it worked for me.

"Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone."

 

[Imagine]

I still listen to music alot. Music is my life.

However because of this I rarely pick up and play my guitar anymore.

 

[andymania]

Music is also a big part of my life. Yes, I did lose interest in it due to DR.

-Andy

 

[mazeball]

Hi I was wondering the same thing. Music is my life! I used to play guitar all the time for hours on end and now it seems like such a chore to pick it up. A lot of times I'll just stare at it and wish that I wanted to play. (why don't I just play? I don't know- I can't it seems at those times) Now I feel guilty about it all the time. And the times when I do actually pick it up it's hard to get into the feeling, (I guess I'm lacking emotion) and I just feel like I'm forcing myself "just play for 15 more minutes......."

Like some of the others posters have said music is a great way to stop the thoughts so dig up those old classics and play them, sing along, close your eyes and try to feel it like you used to.

 

[Milan]

I use to be absolutely mad about music. I'd practice hours each day (mainly flamenco / classical guitar). It was the only art form that could make me transcend to places of such beauty that words can't describe. And I use to love all kinds of music from opera to the most mind bending speed metal; all it had to do was move me in some way and I would invariably like it.

A lot of the passion went with the onset of DP/DR and in some cases made it worse. If I heard a song I use to like it would cause a mini anxiety attack. That said, it is actually getting better lately and I'm starting to enjoy music much more - very much more infact.

 

[Tom Servo]

Yeah, definitely. That was one of the worst things about DP for me. I totally lost the ability to get any joy out of listening to it. I was just sound; no beauty, no conjuring up sentimental, no nothing. Worse yet, I no longer cared about using music to be cool. I didn't play my stereo for about 3 years. Once I started meds and began to feel better, I started listening again, but it was to stuff like Burt Bacharach, the Tijuana Brass, or Martin Denny instead of what I had liked before, like the Replacements, the Pogues, or the Pixies. Maybe I just got old, maybe it's the fact that I still have some degree of emotional numbing. I did buy the new Shins record and love it, though, and I dug out my old Ramones and Buzzcocks records yesterday, which was great. Oh, and I still love Camper Van Beethoven and They Might Be Giants. No stupid DP can ruin those guys for me.

 

[eclecticsheep]

A lot of the passion went with the onset of DP/DR and in some cases made it worse. If I heard a song I use to like it would cause a mini anxiety attack. That said, it is actually getting better lately and I'm starting to enjoy music much more - very much more infact.

I know what you mean listening to a song a used to like also causes me mini attacks. why does this happen to you? it mostly happens to me because i don't enjoy it as much as i did...
how did you start to enjoy music again. are you getting better?
alsodo you think that your tastes have been altered?

 

[eclecticsheep]

Once I started meds and began to feel better, I started listening again, but it was to stuff like Burt Bacharach, the Tijuana Brass, or Martin Denny instead of what I had liked before, like the Replacements, the Pogues, or the Pixies. Maybe I just got old, maybe it's the fact that I still have some degree of emotional numbing.

does it make you feel guilty that your tastes have been altered?
i think too that it must be due to some emootional numbing you might still have.

 

[Martinelv]

Acute DR stopped me from doing or enjoying anything. I had to force myself out of that state (don't ask me how, because I don't know) for it to fade to 'background noise', to enable me to function normally.

 

[lemontea]

I try to listen to music, but I don't listen as often as I used to. When I turn it on, though, it usually makes me feel a little better after some time.

 

[Crumbles]

Sorta weird we all love music...

I too am a big fan of music, and have rarely ever touched my guitar since getting DP/DR

 

[BMF54123]

Last time I listened to some really good music (a movie soundtrack I had not heard in years), it got stuck in my head and WOULD NOT GO AWAY for two or three days. Like a friggin' broken record. Even now, it pops into my head occasionally to drive me nuts. Why bother listening to music anymore if it's just going to turn on me and fuel my insomnia?

Arrrrrrrrrgh...

 

[Isobel]

I couldnt listen to music when this first started. It used to sound as though i was listening from inside a dustbin

 

[Scattered]

I feel like I have to constantly listen to music to block out my thoughts, and obsessions. It helps keep me sane.

 

[bat]

since dp i have found that listening to good music is too emotionally intense. for a few years i couldn't bear it. things are better these days although sometimes i'll still have to walk out of a place because a song comes on that haunts me. music that i would never have bothered about doesn't have the same effect

 

[Guest]

if anything, all of my mental issues have made me more focused on music

 

[Luka]

I love to listen to music and even more to sing along (you don't wanna hear that, but okay...). It gets my mind off things and makes me happy.

 

[livinginhell333]

well i haven't stopped, but i don't listen as much. its hard to get a feel for it. i loved music and now i have no feelings for it and it doesn't make me feel good or doesn't sound good then what the hell is the use.