Does DP/DR matter?

Well in my case maybe DP/DR has become ingrained in my personality or my perception of self. Not sure why. Maybe it has to do with going undiagnosed for so long. I definitely do have the symptoms, and was diagnosed one year ago by a psychiatrist who specializes in depersonalization disorder (there aren't many of those!).

I'm definitely not terrified of my DP. However I absolutely WAS terrified by the symptoms for about the first six years, so I am COMPLETELY aware what you guys are talking about when you talk about the horror of DP. I definitely don't doubt for a second you are terrified.

I've had the symptoms now for 24 years 24/7. I was so happy to find my so-called "disorder" had a name and that I'm not alone. But one difference I have noticed between a lot of you and myself is that I don't really fluctuate in and out of DP/DR. I have been DP/DR'd since it first started and it does not really go away (as far as I'm aware).

When I started my internet research I was not necessarily looking for a cure for the way I felt, because I had given up on such ideas. Instead I was looking for someone who understood how I felt from first hand experience. I was only looking for people who experienced life like me so I wouldn't feel so unique and alone. I never actually thought I'd find so many people with the symptoms nor find people talking about cures!

The most difficult time I've had with DP/DR, following the first six horrible years, has been accepting the fact that I experience the world so differently than so-called "normal" people.

sc, fearing it is a horrible thing. I do understand the fear of it, because I use to be so afraid.

My DP/DR began exactly like this:

I had never been a heavy marijuana smoker. However, on one occasion I was smoking pot with friends. I was 15 at the time. During the toking session I became "high". It was one of those everything-is-hilarious highs. I began laughing hysterically. Suddenly in a split second I felt suddenly different. Not scared at first at all. Just completely different, and then confused, lost. I had the sensation my very "self" had disappeared. The sensation then turned to horror; the thought that my self had disappeared. I panicked.

Now that's how I describe the beginning of my DP/DR. Note that prior to the depersonalization I was laughing. In fact I would say that I had never laughed so hard. This seems to contradict the idea that anxiety is the basis for DP/DR. However, after noticing the depersonalization I was horrified, which even then, without ever having heard of DP/DR, I thought my own fear would perpetuate it.

Still terrified a day later, I began obsessing about "what if the sensation never leaves". I was even somewhat conscious of the fact that I might actually scare myself into DP/DR, and that scared me even more. It was like I had an obsession about losing control of my own thoughts.

So, yes I think DP/DR is a symptom, and in some cases a disorder, which affects people with chronic anxiety. But, in my case I'm not so sure anxiety is perpetuating it. I think it is probably just part of being me.

So that said, I think people with DP/DR should not spend too much time trying to get rid of the reality-based symptoms. That's futile. However, if you have chronic anxiety, and subsequently DP/DR then treat the anxiety, because fear is the problem.

I insist there is at least one person in the world who has DP/DR and lives with it, with or without anxiety. Me. I don't believe I'm living in a chronic state of fight or flight. Maybe in some cases, such as mine, you can have DP/DR on its own. How rare my sort of DP/DR is remains to be seen. Because if you don't have a problem with DP/DR then you're not going to seek counseling.