Joe, I actually laugh at you telling me what I really have. You have no understanding about what depersonalization disorder is. It can certainly make one anxious to have to perform in world that has suddenly become like a dream, armed only with the momentum of a self that once was, but which now is just an empty space. It can certainly be depressing to watch your life drift by, un-lived.
Of course depersonalization can be primary, and probably is, for almost everybody on this forum. Anxiety and depression are much easier to understand, but people are here because those core symptoms of depersonalization (read them on the opening page if you are not sure what they are) resonate so deeply. They are here at dp selfhelp instead of anxiety selfhelp or depression selfhelp, because they felt a massive sense of relief when they found these facts of their own existence (the ones that make you laugh) not only defined, finally, but actually shared.
These facts, that you ridicule as ?mysterious,? ARE mysterious. (Again, if you?re not sure what they are, I refer you to the first page of this site) They are mysterious because they are hard to explain, hard to pin down. They are mysterious because there is barely a vocabulary that speaks to them--the words ?empty? ?unreal? etc. just don?t seem sufficient. They are mysterious because the only places one can find other than small circles (like this one) where people can actually understand the impact of these words, are in literature and philosophy. The are especially mysterious to a young person (the typical age on onset for this thing) who may be unsophisticated, and who only knows that their life is being disrupted.
This thing that doesn?t exist, this ?Mysterious? DP is indeed mysterious, because when that person, young or old, wanders into the office of some mental health so-called professional thinking ?my god I need help,? and tries to describe that their self and surroundings have become unreal, the odds are that they will face someone who won?t understand what they are talking about, won?t respond to it, and won?t take it seriously. The mental health so-called professional will be able to see that the person in his or her office is indeed anxious. Who wouldn?t be.
Of course depersonalization is primary, for those who recognize it in themselves. But one of the main things they will talk about is anxiety, and this shouldn?t be surprising. If people were out displaying symptoms of just depersonalization they would be poking people to make sure they were real. They would be behaving in wildly idiosyncratic ways because it wouldn?t matter since the world is a dream. They would be simply standing mute because they would have no self to do otherwise.
It is a key symptom of depersonalization disorder, and one we all understand, that reality testing remains intact. (This is also a little mysterious, since what people are complaining about is unreality.) So the symptoms of anxiety and depression will be the ones that are visible. And anxiety will be the easiest explanation for the whole mess.
Through the last 30 years it has been in my calmest moments, when I have reflected on what I am and where I have been, that I describe these primary symptoms.
For the majority of that time, these symptoms have seemed entirely unique. Try to imagine the feeling, after decades of this, of finding out they are far from unique, but are, in fact, stereotypical to this ?mysterious? disorder. Virtually to the letter. Understand that this feeling of revelation is also stereotypical to this disorder, not to anxiety disorders.
Of course, Joe, you can ?still say? what you like, and you can ?laugh? all you like, but this thing exists. Expect no further debate from me.